Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 130,067,293 Issue: 259 | 29th day of Gathering, Y8
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The Upper Crust Guild


by mystery_island111223

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The sun shone on a beautiful autumn morning. Many young pets were busy in neoschool. One young Bori, however, was not in neoschool. This was because he had been suspended twelve seconds after arriving. The principal said it was a new record.

      This young Bori was named Apoc. Apoc was currently standing by as his owner sat by a lot he had placed at the trading post.

      "MI, I'm bored!" the Christmas Bori said to his owner. "There isn't anything to do here! I'm beginning to think I shouldn't have placed the electrical mote up my teacher's nostrils after all!"

      "Be quiet, Apoc, I have an offer. So then, sir, you wish to place an offer for this toy?"

      "I'm a female!" screeched the female Xweetok. "My owner gave me some money to buy a present. I want that toy!"

      "What are the magic words?" asked MI.

      "Cash only?" the Xweetok responded.

      "Correct!" MI smiled. "So what will you bid?"

      "How about a million?" asked the Xweetok.

      "Really?" asked MI. "You'd pay all that for a toy that I used to sponge out the stuff under the sink?"

      At this point Apoc's interest peaked. He pushed MI out of the way.

      "I think that's great!" Apoc made the trade.

      Soon Apoc and MI were walking home. MI was carrying a large sack of Neopoints.

      "Wow, I can't believe that Xweetok paid us all that! And you think I'm an idiot!" MI laughed.

      "That's true I do," Apoc responded. "I guess the toy was really rare. Where did you get it?"

      "Oh from some user called The Neopets Cream or something. They said I won some kind of contest!" MI laughed it off. "That doesn't matter! How should I spend all this?"

      Apoc got a rather evil grin on his face. MI decided to continue this discussion when they got home.

      Apoc and MI's trip home was somewhat longer then expected. First MI stopped at the furniture shop and got a set of furniture with a pineapple theme. Then he was rushed to the hospital after trying to eat his new bed.

      Finally they got home. After sharing the news with Jay, Apoc's older Koi brother, the three sat down for a family meeting.

      "So what should we do with the money?" asked Jay.

      "I think we should donate it to the Money Tree!" cried MI. Jay hit MI with his Snowball Slingshot.

      "I think I should be painted!" said Apoc. "I've always wanted to be a baby. Baby Bori are such a lovely shade of lavender!"

      "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that!" Jay replied. "Either way I should get painted, if anyone is at all. Blue is such a pale colour!"

      "I want to get painted faerie because I could fly!" MI cried, leaping up.

      Before Jay could aim his slingshot again, they all heard a knock on the door. MI went to answer it. When he opened the door he saw a well dressed teenager about the same age as him.

      "Hi!" said MI.

      "Are you mystery_island111223?" he asked.

      MI checked the name tag on his jacket.

      "Yep!" he said.

      The boy laughed nervously.

      Their conversation was interrupted when Jay ran into the room followed by Apoc.

      "MI!" Jay cried. "Apoc's trying to steal the Neopoints!"

      "You have no witnesses!" Apoc whined. "Besides, I was going to give you half!"

      "See, Jay?" MI smiled. "Apoc was sharing!"

      The teenager cleared his throat.

      "Who are you?" asked Jay.

      "My name is Apocalypse967. You can call me Lypse!" said Lypse. "I have an invitation for MI here!"

      "Yay!" said MI. "What's it for?"

      "We understand you have recently acquired a large sum of Neopoints!" said Lypse. "I am from the Upper Crust guild. We help new millionaires adjust to their new lifestyle. We would like you to join our guild!"

      "Crust comes from Breadfish!" laughed MI.

      "You need our help!" said Lypse. "Our next meeting is on Tuesday. See you then!" With that he was gone.

      Tuesday finally arrived. MI was in his room getting ready. Apoc and Jay were waiting outside. Finally MI emerged.

      MI was wearing a hat that looked as though it was made entirely of large leaves. On closer inspection, it was. He was wearing a yellow suit with a crossing pattern. Apoc and Jay gasped. MI looked like an overgrown mutated pineapple.

      "Well this won't be so bad, will it, Apoc?" Jay turned to his brother.

      "If anyone asks, my name is Frank," replied the Bori.

      Soon MI, Jay and Apoc were at a large building. A Bruce greeted them.

      "Welcome, sirs! If I could just have your names?"

      "MI!" yipped MI.

      "Jay," sighed Jay.

      "Frank!" said Apoc.

      "Master Frank?" The Bruce checked his list. "No, there's nobody by that name on the list!"

      Apoc checked the list.

      "Oops, my bad!" he said. "My name's Apoc!"

      "Sir, are you taking the name of a guest in order to get in? SECURITY!!"

      Two very large Grarrls emerged. Apoc pushed past them and ran inside. MI and Jay followed.

      "MI, there you are!" MI turned and saw Lypse calling him. He waved.

      "I see you brought your Neopets!" Lypse looked at Apoc and Jay. "Let me call mine over!" He beckoned and a blue Xweetok ran up to him. "This is Mage_Jewel. You may call her Mage!"

      Apoc pulled Jay over.

      "Jay, I think Mage is cute! I need your help to try and impress her!" Apoc paused. "Now I know what you're thinking. You don't want to help me because MI likes me best. You don't want to help me because I put that picture of you in the tub in the Neopian Times. You don't want to help me because I've devoted every waking hour of my life to making you miserable! However, I really need your help here! Any advice?"

      "Go stick your head in the Fruity Fondue!" cried Jay and stormed off.

      Meanwhile MI was sipping Fresh Lemint Juice with Lypse and some other Neopians. One turned to Lypse and chuckled.

      "Did you see what the Lab Ray did to poor yogoryp's Grundo? It became a mutant Aisha!" At this MI spewed Lemint Juice all over several Neopians. He gulped as he recalled a memorable incident involving the Rainbow Pool, a piñata, and a mutant Aisha that left him with a lifelong fear of them. As yogoryp and his pet came into view, MI screamed.

      He tried to run, but tripped over part of his pineapple outfit. He tried to tell Jay that they had to leave, but when turning to the Koi he ran into the Bruce escorting two Zafaras to the ballroom. They grew angry and began chasing him.

      Meanwhile Jay was eating some Soft Tyrannian Cheese and Crackers. Suddenly, over the commotion MI was causing he heard a scream.

      To Jay's horror he saw Apoc atop the serving table, Fruity Fondue in hand.

      "Hey Mage!!" Apoc screamed. "Look at this!" Apoc threw the dessert at himself. However he sadly missed and instead flung it over his shoulder, hitting Lypse square in the face. This prompted the two Grarrls to notice him and began chasing him.

      So among such chaos, what could the outcome possibly have been?

      Well, Apoc did not impress Mage in any way whatsoever. However he later learned that placing an electrical mote up somebody's nostril is an excellent form of revenge.

      Jay managed to escape before anything really bad happened, although he did undergo surgery to remove an electrical mote from his nostrils.

      Lypse changed the Upper Crust guild's focus to locating and getting revenge on Apoc. Apoc's teacher became an executive member.

      MI was fined one million Neopoints by the Electrical Mote Protection League for cruel and unusual treatment of electrical motes.

The End

 
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