Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 161,608,688 Issue: 291 | 11th day of Hunting, Y9
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Not All Fun and Games

by confiserie


As much of Neopia already knows, a new game called Crisis Courier has been created. While many people are caught up with their high score and technique, I have focused my attention on the selfless messengers: the Yooyus. These brave petpets literally “go the distance” so that King Altador can send messages from the safety of his luxurious home. Has he not heard of neomail? Anyway, I have arranged an interview with one of these fine petpets. I’m glad that he has found time in his busy schedule to do this interview.

Q: Can you tell us about your last journey?

A: Why yes, I can. You see, when someone loses a life in the new game, we Yooyus do not simply jump up and start traveling again. We are obviously injured, so a new Yooyu must take our place and deliver the message. It is like a relay race, but more painful and without the fun. With the amount of terrible gamers out there, it’s a wonder that any of us can even move! *cough* Please excuse that. To make things short, I was the fortunate Yooyu that completed the journey. Other times, I am not so lucky...

Q: Have you ever sneaked a peek at a note you were carrying?

A: Of course not! I am much too busy dodging Minitheuses to be bothered with the king’s seafood orders sent to Maraqu-- Erm... next question, please.

Q: What is inside the goodie bags that you grab? I am dying to know.

A: I honestly don’t know. I just carry them, like the notes. -shifty eyes-

Q: Well how do you carry all of them? You are a rather small petpet, after all.

A: Why don’t I save something for the next interviewer?

Q: Okay... were you ever used in a game of Yooyuball? Which game do you prefer?

A: Which game do I prefer to be used in without even a pat on the back as a reward? I mean, I know I am a Fire Yooyu, but they could use an oven mitt or something. To answer your question, I was in a game of Yooyuball once. It was quite terrible. It’s one thing to be chased around on a field, but another to be whacked with sticks. Luckily, my friend told me about this creature called Lawyerbot, and he made it so I never have to be a part of that treacherous game again. He said something about the Petpet Protection League. Unfortunately, he said that it would be too difficult to protect every single Yooyu. Needless to say, I don’t really enjoy either game, but I will tolerate Crisis Courier because it is for a good cause.

Q: I see... do other Yooyus share your point of view?

A: Yes, we talk between shifts. We share our ideas about an alternative message delivery system, but none of us have enough courage to talk to the king himself. We have talked to his staff, but they always “forget” to tell our ideas to him.

Q: If a new system was created, how would you spend your free time?

A: I suppose that I would own a main home in Neopia Central, and also a vacation home on Mystery Island. I would stay at the vacation home whenever it was too cold in Neopia Central. Both of my homes would be fabulously decorated. For a job, I would work at the book store in Neopia Central. On Mystery Island, I would work at Tropical Foods. For a petpetpet, I would have a Moach. It seems like the only intelligent choice. I would rarely visit Altador, because of all the bad memories. Instead, I would convince my friends to move with me. Not that I’ve thought about it at all...

Q: Are there any common misconceptions about Yooyus that you would like to clear up?

A: Yes, there are. One is that we cannot talk intelligently, but that is obviously cleared up by this interview. Those who use Yooyus as tools would like to think that we are no higher up than Slorgs, which is ridiculous. Another one is that we love our job. Would you love a job without pay? What about one that would only give you vacation time when you were in the hospital? I think not. Why can’t we have an easy job, like that Meowclops in Sophie's Stew?

Q: Speaking of Sophie's Stew, what do Yooyus like to eat?

A: The new “fun image” portrays us as chubby Snorkles, but in order to travel at great speeds like we do, we must eat healthy. I eat mainly greens and fruits, but I also love Neowaiian Bread. A few of my friends say that they love Wriggling Grubs, but I don’t see the appeal.

Q: Are there any petpets that you think are as worthy as Yooyus?

A: The White Weewoo that helps at the Neopian Times has my respect. That’s another job that I would not mind. Other than that, I can’t really think of anything. I mean, Yooyus are rare, expensive, smart, agile... what’s not to love?

Q: I am just glad that was a rhetorical question. *cough* Well, I don’t want to keep you any longer. Don’t you have to get back to the game?

A: Are you kidding? I can stay here all day... does your pet need a petpet? I can make any dumb pet smarter.

So there you have it. What seemed to be a pleasant, noble petpet is not pleasant and hardly noble. However, I now have sympathy for the poor creatures, because I would certainly not want to live like them. If you are wondering how the interview ended, it was basically over when I ran away as fast as I could. He did not try to catch me, which was good, because he would have definitely caught me. I have learned a valuable lesson today: if you want to have a light interview, have a conversation with a Slorg. Now when is Yooyuball season, again? ;)

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