Inky's Guide To: The Top 10 Worst Birthday Presents!
Hello! And welcome to Inky's Guide To The Top 10 Worst Birthday Presents! Yay!
So, according to the title, probably one of the most embarrassing things to ever do to your friend is to buy a really bad gift for his/her birthday!
So, in order to ensure that your friend is happy during his/her birthday, please consider the following suggestions and do NOT get these gifts for them!
Number 10: Insect Eating House Plant
This is one of the worst plants to get... especially if your friend is a Ruki.
To avoid getting this Eating Plant, get a plant that tells your friend how much they mean to you, but without the eating, love and stinky parts, and never get any wilted or broken plants. (See Number 8)
Number 9: Anything That Has The Word 'Slime'
Yeah. Slime has its ups and downs, and a birthday present would be an immediate down for this. Slime usually ends up on the floor, or on someone's innocent hands, and stays there. Especially if you give a slime-related food product.
So, if slime is your specialty, and it's not for your friend, it's probably best that you leave the slime sundae in your fridge and stick to the homemade cards. Those are much better.
Number 8: Wilted, Dead and Broken
Wilted: A common household plant that is dried up and long gone.
Dead: We all know.
Broken: Shattered, ripped, cracked. etc.
Yes, we know that wilted, dead and broken is not a pretty sight. So why give it to your friend? They are most likely going to throw it away.
So why buy it? Who knows! But it is important that if you're planning to buy some flowers that are... well... gone, it's going to be a not-so pretty sight when you give your friend your wilted, dead and/or broken gift. They are going to throw it out. Trust Me.
Number 7: Pile of Dirt and/or Dirt Hole
There isn't much worse than a pile of dirt for your friend... with the fact that it's your name on the 'from' part. But, if you combine the two items, you can have the ultimate gift: a plot of earth! Okay, okay... I didn't think I could put a good spin on that either. Maybe your friend can hide some of their other unwanted, unneeded and just plain weird gifts in there. Especially a dirt hole, with a pile of dirt inside... I guess that line wasn't a spin either, oh well.
Number 6: Vegetables
OK, veggies might be perfect for picnics, but not for birthday parties. Not even the nerdiest of nerd will appreciate this bastion of nutrition despite the fact that it's supposed to be good for us. But if you are planning to get some veggies for your friend, try getting some other stuff. Try getting some marshmallows, or maybe even getting a chocolate ghostkersword... or maybe just chocolate. That sounds good.
Number 5: Dung... Dung... and More Dung
If your friend is a Buzz, this kind of gift is pretty nifty; after all, which Buzz doesn't appreciate a bit of dung? If your friend is not a Buzz, this is probably one of the worst gifts on record. There aren't many options with a Dung Biscuit Jar, Dung Rug or Dung Bed. You can hope that a visit to the Lab Ray turns your friend into a Buzz (and reverses their dislike for dung at the same time) or you can take a chance and re-gift this yuck-it's-dung gift to one of your other Buzz friends. "Accidentally" flushing it down the toilet should be a last resort, and never try to hide the fact that it's dung.
Number 4: Stone Stuff
Here is the perfect gift to your stone-hard friend that's hard to come by... stone stuff.
Sure, a stone bed is nice, and some codestones are awesome, but giving the wrong stone gift has its... er... consequences. So try not giving your friend stone soup, stone paddleball or worse... Strawberry Stone Doughnuts. Losing teeth during a party is not such a pretty picture.
Number 3: Big Book of Books
Most people enjoy getting books as gifts. Even if a book is not very exciting or particularly good, it still takes space up on a shelf and makes you/your friend look smart. So, to get it straight, Big Books are perfect for good readers, Recipe Books are for cooks and Baby Books are for babies, and no other combination is to be made without a disgusted face on the receiver. Who else wants a Recipe Book received by a baby? That question might never be answered.
Number 2: Invisible Gifts
Invisible stuff will never appear in their 'proper' form. It will always be invisible and you can never change the way it's invisible. Ever. That is why if you plan to get an invisible gift, that you wrap it up, (if you can still find it) and tell your friend that it is going to be hard to see after it is opened. And let's hope your friend never opens your gift, unless they want to ever see it again.
And the worst possible gift to ever give...
Number 1: Any Pant Devil Toy
At long last, we have the ultimate in bad gifts. This is the sort of gift that is given to exclusively by bratty, mischievous, insidious friends (so I suggest never to get it). While no one is really quite sure whether or not the Pant Devil toys really attract a Pant Devil, or make fun of one, so you certainly don't want your friend being the person testing it out. Your only hope is to give this kind of toy if it's absolutely necessary, but other than that, never give one away. And let's hope you never get one either.
So, that's it. The Top 10 Worst Birthday Presents guide is coming to an end, but don't let that stop you! There are a lot of bad gifts to give to anyone at their birthday party, and even if they aren't listed here, they are probably more... sinister.
And, another tip. Never EVER give your friend mutant petpets...it might be awesome if your friends likes mutant stuff, but never give it otherwise.
Trust me, I know.
If you're reading this, I MADE IT! Yes! Please neomail me for comments/suggestions for my next article! Thanks!