Real or Rumor: Sloth Edition
I just want to say that I hope everybody learns something new about Sloth today. (This is not gossip!)
Welcome to the first edition of Real or Rumor. Here we let the fans send in questions or reports of famous Neopians. Our first issue is a spotlight on our favorite Villain, Dr. Frank Sloth! Enjoy!
1. Sloth was spotted outside the Beauty Parlor, conveniently located near the Usuki Land store, where Sloth was also seen... This is REAL! Resident of Neopia Central, Jollynoggy, a Blumaroo, stated, "I really am a HUGE fan! I knew it was him, so I followed him! It pains me to say as a fan, that, yes, Sloth bought some green face makeup, red eye glow, and some Usuki dresses." Jollynoggy also stated that if Sloth needs some support at the time, he would be there to help.
2. Sloth was reported seen enjoying a slushie with fellow villain, Jhudora, in Neopia's Slushie Shop, by another fan, Alfred Mynci. This is RUMOR, because Sloth and many others have informed us that Sloth and our favorite dark faerie are planning on how to take over Neopia together. Even if it means slurping up a Kiwi Slushie! (ew)
3. Was Sloth REALLY planning on promoting his Grundo secretary? This is RUMOR. Fellow co-workers, who choose to keep their identities a secret, state, "A promotion? SLOTH? This is Sloth you're talking about, right? You're serious? Sloth is the last person on Neopia who'd give an employee a promotion! HA!" This Grundo was last seen packing up his supplies on his desk, heading home.
4. Did Sloth REALLY pet a baby Buzz on the head, while passing through Neopia Central for the Sloth Day Parade last year? This is REAL. We have over a million witnesses who joined in the Sloth Day celebration. Sloth apparently was handing out autographs, and told us in an exclusive interview, "Hey, my day's only once a year. I might as well be nice once."
5. Did a delivery Grundo spot Sloth in FOOTIE PAJAMAS?!? This is definitely not REAL. We interrogated this delivery Grundo, who delivers to celebrities, ("Hey, you got to support the family somehow!") and he told us that he simply made up the story for the tabloids. When will these people learn?
6. While trying to shake off the press, Sloth apparently made up a story saying that he once had an 'adorable' Angelpuss called Angie in his younger days. This is REAL. There are photos to prove that Sloth cared for the little petpet. Apparently Sloth has a soft side. Who knew?
7. Did Sloth grab a collector's Sloth Wars comic? This is REAL. Dozens of witnesses say that it happened on the same day as the Sloth Day Baby Buzz incident. Apparently, Sloth grabbed the comic book because he saw a smudge on it in the shape of his head...
8. Was Sloth a part of the King Skarl club in Year 5? This is RUMOR, because apparently the rest of the members or leaders are either dead or were brainwashed because of a group of young Grundos who hated King Skarl. So, they cannot tell us whether this was REAL or RUMOR. No existing records of the club are still intact.
9. Is Sloth's middle name Mandy? This is not REAL, because we have tracked down hundreds of thousands of Sloth Biographies, and it clearly states there that Sloth doesn't know what his middle name is, so if you really want to find out, well... We don't really know.
10. Did Sloth own a collection of Pretty Pink Uni dolls while he was young? We caught up with Sloth to ask him. He says, "Hey, come on, we all ought to let out our inner Uni once in a while... Well... If you're an Uni, I guess..." This is REAL.
11. Did Sloth really try a Sloth Surprise in Grundo 's Café? This is REAL. It is reported that Sloth was urged on a dare by several fans and a few villains. Who would have though that Sloth would stoop that low? I think I speak for all of us when I say, you really don’t know where that has been.
12. Does Sloth owe Vira 1,000,000 neopoints from a Bilge Dice game? This is not REAL, because Sloth paid Vira in customization clothes. Odd... We at Real or Rumor wonder how many loads of Pumpkin Lid Hats, Kau Boy Badges and Tin Foil Hats he cheated her off with?
13. Did Sloth really insult Neopets V.2 when they were playing a young Neopets' computer game? This is REAL, but Neopets V.2 accepted an apology by Sloth. Several angry computer programmers disagree.
14. Way back in the day, was Sloth Queen Fyora for Halloween in Year 3? This is REAL. Many Neopians apparently thought it really was Fyora, and tried kidnapping her. Sloth says, "Hey, I can’t help it if I make awesome costumes." Many Sloth fans have placed orders on costumes at Sloth’s new business. We have too, and we will put it up for auction in our offices. If you want more information on how to get a hold on one of these, or would like to know what is in stock, contact me, the senior editor.
15. Did Sloth go skiing with Usuls in Year 7? This is RUMOR. Sloth says he is afraid of heights. He also is nervous around fuzzy creatures such as JubJubs and Usuls. A large group of obsessed fans reported that on Sloth's Book signing of his latest book on the 17th day of Collecting (year 7), they asked him to come along snowboarding, and he apparently freaked out. We have researched this topic, and Sloth also has a fear of snow, board shaped structures and writers who have nothing to do but print lies, lies, LIES. (That had better not get printed.)
If you want to know more about Sloth and the gossip we print, contact the writer of this article. Next issue of Real or Rumor is coming soon, so hold on! We are now taking suggestions on whether to focus it on Fyora, The Dark Faerie, King Skarl, or Kass.