Neopia's Fill-in-the-blank News Source Circulation: 177,074,008 Issue: 329 | 8th day of Awakening, Y10
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Obsessive Sloth Disorder – A Warning to Gamers!

by jester_xyz


Also by emmymyemmygirl

As you travel around Neopia, you can find many strange and exotic diseases but perhaps the most unusual is Obsessive Sloth Disorder. As you know, remedies from the Pharmacy or the Healing Springs Faerie can cure most Diseases but to date nothing has been found to cure Obsessive Sloth Disorder. However, doctors do believe that if the disease is caught in the early stages, they can prevent it reaching the critical stage.

What exactly is Obsessive Sloth Disorder? Well, it seems to infect people who play the game Splat-A-Sloth. The exact mechanism of the infection is unknown. However, a clear indication of the disorder is playing the game any time you can. Some infected persons have been known to miss sleep to play the game repeatedly in the World Challenges. In addition, in extreme cases the infected person dreams about playing the game. It has also been known to cause infected persons to create sloth themed clothing and toys.

We have been lucky enough to obtain an interview with perhaps the most afflicted sufferer of Obsessive Sloth Disorder in Neopia, emmymyemmygirl, for this article. Let me tell you it wasn’t an easy thing to accomplish. She required that we ask our questions only during breaks in her game play in the World Challenge. Since breaks in the World Challenge are only three minutes, this was a time consuming process as she often broke off in the middle of answering a question to resume game play.

The following interview was conducted during the late evening and early morning hours on the 11th, 12th, and 13th of the Month of Sleeping.

JESTER_XYZ: Hello emmymyemmygirl. It is very kind of you to allow us to interview you about your Obsessive Sloth Disorder.

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: Thank you jester_xyz, I am always happy of be of assistance in any way I can as long as it doesn’t interfere with playing Sloth.

JESTER_XYZ: Can you tell me when you first noticed the symptoms of Obsessive Sloth Disorder?

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: Well, it was late one night and I was looking for someone to make a fifth at Splat-A-Sloth World Challenge so that round would count. It costs 100 neopoints to play a round, you know, and I don’t like waste my neopoints on a pointless round. Well, I finally found a friend willing to enter and send some scores. Well, while we were playing, they looked at my statistics for the game were like OMG!!! Emmymyemmygirl, you are obsessed with this. You should see a doctor or something. Excuse me, Sloth time. (Patient abruptly rushes off to play another round of Splat-A-Sloth.)

JESTER_XYZ: How did it make you feel when your friend suggested this?

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: Well, at first I was somewhat confused. But then, I looked and realized that I did play a lot. So, I decided to take my friend’s advice and visit a doctor. Well, after asking me a bunch of questions and doing some tests, the doctor told me I had Obsessive Sloth Disorder.

JESTER_XYZ: On average how many hours a day do you play Splat-A-Sloth?

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: I play Sloth an average of eight or nine hours a day with a winning average of six hours a day.

JESTER_XYZ: You don't think that's bad, do you?

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: No, it's not bad at all. You asking me about this disorder makes me want to go play now but I have to wait for the new round to start. (Sufferer is rolling and unrolling a newspaper convulsively while speaking.)

JESTER_XYZ: Tell us how this disorder has affected your life.

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: This disorder has made me think of nothing but Sloth. I can't sleep without dreaming about Sloth. And now, I have now started to make Sloth clothes and toys. I made a Sloth apron and a sloth stuffed animal that squeaks. I have been thinking of making a Sloth hat but I can’t decide whether I should knit it and have Sloth’s characteristic three hairs sticking up from the top or just put Sloth designs all over a cap. What do you think? I really like the knit cap idea but it would take some time away from playing and I don’t know if I could stand it. (Patient's knuckles are white from gripping the rolled newspaper so tightly.)

JESTER_XYZ: What does your family think of your obsession with Splat-A-Sloth?

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: It’s funny you should have asked that – just tonight my eight year old son came in and said, "Mom, don't you play anything else?" I smiled and said I enjoy this game. My husband laughs at me and says, "Isn't that game boring, you do same thing over and over again." I just tell him it makes me happy to play. My three year old daughter sits with me and says, "Peek" and then (here patient breaks off with no warning at all to play another round in the World Challenge) when she sees Sloth she says, "a-boo". If I have a free minute I play – example – if I’m cooking and waiting on water to boil, I go play some and go back and forth. Between cooking and playing. Naptime I play. Bedtime I play. (I found it exceedingly disturbing that the patient continued her statement from the point she left off as though there had been no interruption when I myself had almost forgotten what I had asked.)

JESTER_XYZ: Can you tell us about your Statistics in relation to Splat-A-Sloth?

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: Well, I have a grand-total of seventy five wins for the Month of Sleeping so far. That means that I have won an average of six rounds a day. Isn’t that great!

JESTER_XYZ: On Average, how many times a day have you lost at Splat-A-Sloth World Challenge?

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: I lose maybe three World Challenge rounds per day. But, that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is splatting Sloth.

JESTER_XYZ: How do you feel about Dr. Frank Sloth?

EMMYMYEMMYGIRL: Sloth must go splat!! (Patient slams rolled newspaper into hand as though actually splatting Sloth here.)

As you can see my friends, Obsessive Sloth Disorder is a very debilitating disease. The Gamers of Neopia should be wary when playing this game and see their doctor at the first sign of the disease. Remember, the Symptoms are playing the game repeatedly, entering the World Challenge to play more than the allotted three times per day, dreaming about Splat-A-Sloth, splatting things randomly with a rolled up newspaper, losing sleep to play the game, and designing clothing or toys that are Sloth related. Should you experience any of these symptoms I cannot stress enough that you should visit your doctor IMMEDIATELY. If caught early enough, doctors may be able to prevent the disease from reaching the critical stage.

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Razzle Dazzle - Episode XVIII

by khestrel


Just Another Day
Sometimes you don't need words.

by miacirclegirl


What Type of Fangirl Are You?
Have you ever wondered what type of fangirl you were? Whether you were a calmer, more laid-back fangirl, or a true rabid-fangirl?

by birdinggal


The Darkest Faerie Returns: Part Five
Siyana looked at Tor and Altador. Her eyes were filled with worry and fear. "I don't understand what's taking so long. Fyora told us that she'd meet us here..."

by ewagon

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.