Now with 50% more useless text Circulation: 175,667,356 Issue: 359 | 12th day of Gathering, Y10
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Nosey's 'Surf Neopia' Trip and Surf Report


by thealleycat13

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Jay “Nosey” NoseRider here to give you an in-depth look at surfing around Neopia. Why? Well, no one ever reports on surfing in the Neopian Times, plus I’m really bored this summer and wanted to take a road trip. But Alley said I had to be “productive” so I’m bringing you a surf report! Got it? Good.

Let’s start where surfing began, shall we? Way back in Year 2, Neopets started getting bored. An orange Kougra living on Mystery Island thought it would be fun to ride the surf that broke along the shoreline. So, after deciding that a long plank of wood would work as a “board” to ride the waves on, though it took him a few tries, the Kougra was able to stand on the board and ride the waves. He deemed his invention the surfboard, and the newly founded sport, surfing.

Nowadays in modern Mystery Island, the surf is still the best. The waves are the perfect size, not too big, not too small, and are constantly there, even in winter. There isn’t a native to Mystery Island that can’t surf, except, well, my little brother. We’re still working on teaching him. And Fred Johnson next-door, but he was just born a month ago. Uh, yeah...

Our next stop on my trip is Shenkuu. While surfing in the regular style may not be common in most Shenkuu, as not a lot of its citizens live by the ocean, what little they have of it is still pretty nice. You get small waves in Shenkuu, I call ‘em breakers myself, that are fairly good for doing small tricks, but not for advanced tricks or riding. But Shenkuu compensates for that with their version of surfing; Riverboarding. Riverboarding is going at top speed down Shenkuu’s series of rivers and waterfalls. I think it’s kinda fun; you go really, really fast, but it doesn’t quite beat classic surfing. The Shenkeese (did I spell that right?) really love it, though, so I’ll give them credit for that.

After Shenkuu, we made a stop in Altador. When you see Altador, you probably think “Why the heck would anyone surf there?”. Well, let me tell you, in some spots you get some nice swells. I’m talkin’ five to six feet here, dudes, which for myself isn’t that large, but for some shorter folk, is big enough. Certainly bigger than Shenkuu’s waves. Granted you may get some angry Altadorian sailors chasing you out of the water. Or throwing rocks at you. Good thing I have diplomatic immunity in Altador; otherwise, King Altador would have been very unmerciful when he heard what I did to the last guy who threw a rock at me. He did have a very long conversation with Uncle Skarl, though. *shrugs*

Up next is Jelly World. Wait, Jelly World? When did we go to Jelly World? I mean, the place doesn’t even exist. Must’ve been the meepits messing with my mind again.

Onto the Haunted Woods. The Haunted Woods has very little shoreline, but still gets waves. These waves remind me never to go surfing in the Haunted Woods again. You think the Esophagor is scary? Wait until you see the twenty to thirty feet swells native to the Haunted Woods. Surfing those wasn’t easy. Plus I almost drowned twice. And I’m a good swimmer. Honestly, don’t go surfing in the Haunted Woods unless you’re a pro, a daredevil, or a patient of the Meepit Oaks Sanitorium. Granted if you are a patient there, you already live in the Haunted Woods, so the surf is right at your doorstep. I’d recommend removing your straightjacket first and replacing it with a nice life preserver. Wait; you want to keep the straightjacket on? Fine then, be my guest. Have fun out there, make sure your nurse goes with.

After the terrifying experience in the Haunted Woods, I moved on to the sands of the Lost Desert. The Lost Desert, while consisting of mostly sand, provides three forms of surfing. Regular surfing off the narrow shoreline, a slower and milder version of river surfing, and the sport I made up on my visit, sand surfing. Since you already know about the other two, I’ll explain sand surfing. You pretty much find an area with lots of sand dunes, maybe a pyramid, and carve up and down the dunes, maybe railing using the pyramid. It’s pretty awesome, reminds me a lot of skating, but it’s still quite a bit like surfing. It’s common, however, to crash and get a mouth full of sand. And let me tell you, a mouth full of seawater tastes a LOT better.

Up next was Krawk Island. I convinced Captain Satire to make a stop in Krawk Island (I work part-time as a pirate), hopped off the H.S.M. Midnight Draik, and rode a wave to shore. Krawk Island’s waves remind me quite a bit of Mystery Island’s. It’s pretty good surf, if you can avoid all the pirates. At least they don’t chuck rocks at me. Instead they try and invite you up onto their ship for a tankard of grog. Now, my owner being somewhat of a pirate herself, I see plenty of that stuff, plus I myself am a pirate so I see even more of it. I don’t need some random pirate shoving grog down my face and serving me an overly greasy burger. Just the burger would be fine. But still, if you don’t see pirates a lot, they are nice to hang around. As long as you don’t ask where they got their hook. Just don’t ask, unless you want to be keelhauled.

Still dizzy from my party with the pirates, I headed off to Faerieland. Not much surf in Faerieland. Windsurfing, where you get on a faerie-magic hover board and let the wind currents lead you where you want to go, and cloud surfing, where you just slid down clouds on a surfboard. None too exciting. But a nice way to recover from pirates. Always go to Faerieland after visiting Krawk Island. That way you can visit the Healing Springs if you need to.

With many more places still to visit, I took a cloud over to Maraqua. At Maraqua you can surf the waves in the middle of the sea (they’re very big during storms), or go underwater and ride the currents on your boards. Both are exciting, but if you do the former, you may end up stranded. It was a good thing the Midnight Draik came along; otherwise, I would have had to paddle to shore.

Tyrannia is okay along its coast. Small breakers that aren’t too exciting but, like Shenkuu, are good for tricks. Other than that there’s not much else. You can grab some omelette, I guess. Just don’t try talking to the Natives. Last time I tried communicating, I ended up tied to a spit over a roasting fire. Who knew ‘Ugg ugga ug ker uga’ meant ‘Your mother looks like a mutant Gnorbu’?

The following place I visited was pretty extreme. Terror Mountain. At Terror Mountain you can snowboard, but you can also glacier surf. I’m talking HUGE fifty foot plus waves that, unlike the Haunted Wood’s waves, are pretty awesome to ride. Especially on a small glacier. It’s somewhat dangerous, but nonetheless awesome. Every pro has to try it at least once in their lives. Just be wary of polarchucks attempting to eat the glacier you’re riding.

Neopia Central, Kiko Lake, and Roo Island I did all in the same day. Neopia Central is a bit busy to surf at, what with all the ships, but they do produce nice waves, and make for fun games of Avoid that ship. Kiko Lake had extremely tiny waves that were better for boogey boarders, but I still rode ‘em in. Then I got yelled at for blocking the Tubular Kiko Races and left. Roo Island was a bit bright and, er, mushroomy. Small waves, bigger than Kiko Lake, and just barely big enough to ride. I recommend only going to these three places if you’re really, really bored.

Next were the twin Kingdoms, Meridell, home of Uncle Skarl, and Brightvale, home to Uncle Hagan (King Skarl and King Hagan to you guys). Meridell and Brightvale both have shorelines (every land in Neopia does, even if you don’t see them) that get some decent swells. Four to five footers, nice for riding and doing tricks. You can also ride up the rivers and into the moats, but I wouldn’t do that in case a Draik guard mistakes you for a spy. Good thing I’m a fast swimmer; otherwise, I would have had two tails.

Following my Uncle yelling at the Draik for how much of an idiot he was for almost piercing me with an arrow, I meandered my way to Lutari Island. Man, was that place hard to find. Hooray for carefully charted maps and Virtupets brand moving island tracking devices! Lutari Island was like being on a misty Mystery Island full of Lutaris. The surf was phenomenal, and the mist even cleared up after awhile, revealing sparkling waters and beautiful plant-life. Man, I would live there if I could. But unfortunately, I’m a Darigan Lupe and not a Lutari, so it doesn’t look like. There are a couple of waterfalls that fall into the ocean that are awesome to ride down to get to it. A must for anyone who loves to surf and has lots of neopoints for tracking devices.

My next stop was my last stop; home. Where’s home you may ask? Mystery Island. The home of the original surfers, and where the best waves are. And while I did enjoy lots of experiences on my trip, it’s always nice to be back home. If you haven’t to the big isle, you should come and visit. Bring your board and visit 90260 Fruity Path. We’ve got our own private cove just down the cliff.

Anyways, I hope this Surf Report has helped you start planning ideas for your next surf trip. Hey, it may even be your first! Just remember, don’t surf in the Haunted Woods without your meepits, never bring a polarchuck surfing at Terror Mountain, and pack lots of food if you plan on finding Lutari Island without a tracking device. Good luck and happy surfing. This is Nosey, signing out!

Author's note: Satire belongs to paganlindz. NoseRider is Nosey's neopets name. Why is Jay there? Long story. Anyways I hope you like my Lupe's excuse for why he took a surf trip and bought a 200k tracking device. He certainly enjoyed that trip. Neomail with comments, critcism-

Nosey: Or fanmail!

 
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