Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 175,204,523 Issue: 365 | 24th day of Collecting, Y10
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Y25 - The Techo Era


by hidden_0_o

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13th of Month of Hunting, Y25 – There was the future, transported to me in a dark blue crystal ball. Its color resembled the Neovian skies, and slowly, upon words of incantation, a hazy whiteness started forming. I bent my head closer. And I saw it.

No Meepits. No Dr. Sloth. But yet, a truly mortifying sight had the future trodden itself to be. Techo towers of great height stood. Techo Day was one of celebration, to be specific, of mandatory celebration. The Techo police had replaced your typical Chias. They were carefully assuring that you partook vigorously in the festivities. The Techonian Times, known as TTT, had replaced the past newspaper, which many of the denizens of Y25 Neopia had absolutely forgotten its name. But was there a need to even mention the archaic source of news. The Techonian Times had ridden itself of all misleading, biased images of overrated Woowees or whats-their-faces. TTT only showed Techo stories, Techo articles, Techo comics; even the editor... was a Techo.

But then that dreaded Usul pushed me off and in her somber voice, she exclaimed, “A glimpse only will be revealed to thee. A glimpse only art thou allowed to see.”

At that moment I smiled to myself and thought, “You are not a Techo; wait and you shall be ruled by that glorious species.” And then I suddenly realized that I am a Desert Aisha, and by no means do I resemble a Techo, or their glory, or their superiority, or their grandeur. “Maybe I had been alienated enough by that picture,” a small part of me said. But in truth, I accept our defeat, yet I must study the admirable kind. Thus, I gathered the names of six mighty Techos, whom I also believe to be leaders of the Techo revolution.

# 1- Screaming Techo!

What good Neopian doesn’t know of this screaming creature? Nameless, he is by far the most well-known participant of the Altador Cup. Yes, this enthusiastic blue Techo is more well-known than your most valuable players, Zo Junior, Layton Vickles and Lilo Blumario together. If the Altador Cup popularity was equivalent to the Avatar Chat popularity, you would have people begging to lend this Techo their Super Attack Pea weapons and Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie cards.

An example of never ending energy, the screaming Techo will show incomparable fists of energy. The Techo movement, which is what I am calling this revolution that is taking shape even as you read this article, needs someone that has such a leader that never quails, and in moments of challenge will continue making some noise, a lot of noise.

#2 – Poking Techo!

The Techo from Techo Says is probably my favorite character. He has already shown his power in subjecting the most hideous species under his command. These six species are Chias, little incapable Neopians that possess short appendages; Kacheeks, insignificant creatures who waste their times with the primordial game of hide and seek; Myncies, ridiculous beings still living in trees, eating bananas, and occasionally forming not so popular rock bands; Quiggles, just some frogs that still dream of becoming royalty in the wasted hopes of having some Neopet kiss them; Blumaroos, who pathetically attempt to attract some attention by having their Hoban-pushing-chef hide 50 by 50 plaques; and lastly and deservingly least are Moehogs, who I should not have to explain why they are subservient to Techos – I mean, they still walk on four legs; what are we to do with them?

TNT has already shown their preference for Techos in choosing the game Techo Says as their number one thousand!

#3 – Fighting Techo

Good Velm. Almost too good Velm... This Techo, at the moment still fights by the side of his Blumaroo, Acara, and Eyrie friends. Benevolent and giving as he is, life springs from his noble efforts in helping his peer. Everyone’s preferred member of the Neoquest II party, Velm has powers to cure his friends and still stun his enemies. He will soon realize he belongs with his species and then the movement will gain yet another important leader.

#4 – Buzzering Techo

Yes, I am talking about the Techo in the Buzzer Game.This tropical Techo will lead the media and the TTT in the future. He is gifted with the ability to hypnotize and grab your attention like no other. His powers of alienation is what is required for all the most stagnant Neopets to accept their position as knaves in this Techo Empire to come. The newspapers will display his face... Random events will read: “a red Poogle approaches and says: ‘Hi, hail o most noble, o most able, o most glorious of all, Techos in this nation.’”

#5 – Staring Techo

There are always slow people. There are always people in denial. There are always people who just can’t understand that they are not Techos! For Techo’s sake... That is what Bug Eyes McGee will do for the movement. He will Neobuddy all these slow, slow pets, and he will show them, either by friendly admonition or by obligatory intimidation, how the castes are illustrated. I have already in a previous article illustrated my admiration for Bug Eyes; his powers of persuasion, united with Buzzer Techo will pummel basic concepts into the other Neopians’ heads.

#6 – Mastering Techo

What is the most sought training academy? The Mystery Island one, led by... a Techo! The old man in the academy combines the wisdom of age with the youth of physic. Strong in both mind and body, he is the head of the Techo Alliance. His training school has, for years, been able to raise an enormous amount of funds in favor of Techos. Codestones achieved from consecutive years of trying to inculcate basic fighting techniques to the ones who lack that mettle will finally pay off for a noble cause. The Master will train the Techos of the future; he will be charged with the task of leading the Techo Police, as well as sharing his years of knowledge with future generations. His teachings will persevere in the eons of time, his words becoming axioms.

#7 – Pounding Techo

Feared by Gnorbus and Grundos, hideous creatures that we oftentimes find in the pound, because their owners are either horrified by their sight or have traded them for Techos, Dr. Death will always be able to play the pound card on Neopia, closing down the orphanage and requiring high demands to re-open it. The doctor will eventually seize the complete control of the pound, putting his coworkers, Rose and Dalek, out in the streets to seek a new job. Controlling the pound, will give the movement power over the Neopets Team, and sooner or later, over Neopia. Then, you are all doomed.

Thus I conclude my article explaining how Y25 will be possible. If you have any questions, please contact the four Techos that my mom will adopt, since she, too, will recognize Techo power and soon, I, a desert pet, will join the Maraquan Draiks and Pirate Krawks that roam the pound, in their hopeless search for a new owner.

 
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