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Omelette Full of Lies


by yellowsugardog

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After successfully conveying the problems with Usuki Frenzy in my last article, I decided to focus on yet another tragic issue.

What I am focusing on today has nothing to do with games this time. Nor does it have anything to do with the trivial aspects of Neopets, such as pet revamps and new paint colors.

The Tyrannian Omelette is an intricate conspiracy.

You heard me. I’ve done the research for you.

That ginormous mass of mouth watering eggs is really not what you think it is.

Now it’s time for you to sit back and read. Sit back and learn that your newbie days were filled to the brim with fraud...

1. Unknown Origins

“Legend has it that hundreds of years ago, a dinosaur of GIGANTIC proportions laid a massive egg. That egg split open, and started to bake in the sun. Ever since then, a giant omelette has been cooking on the Tyrannian Plateau. It may seem silly, but it is true.”

...What?

So there’s a massive omelette growing out of thin air in the middle of a flat piece of cracking weird two-toned tan rock?

Oh, right. A dinosaur laid the egg.

...Once again, what?!

Is THIS the best excuse TNT can come up with to hide their LIES?!

First of all, they said that a dinosaur laid the egg hundreds of years ago. Yet the page reads, “Whenever the omelette is fully eaten, sure enough, a new egg will appear somewhere on the plateau the next night so that the inhabitants of Tyrannia need never go hungry.”

How does a dinosaur travel through a time warp and lay eggs of giant proportions?

I’m not even concerned about the WHY, yet. I’m just concerned that there are time warps big enough to feed all of Neopia.

Assuming the dinosaur story is true, that would mean that either a colossal Chomby laid the egg, seeing as Chombies are like dinosaurs, or that a dinosaur dinosaur laid the egg. If it’s a Chomby, that means we are eating Chomby egg, which means TNT SUPPORTS EATING YOUR PETS.

Or if it’s a dinosaur dinosaur, that means that TNT has brought technology not allowed in Neopia into Neopia. This means that they are violating their own rules, seeing as my stories have been rejected for discussing ‘technology not allowed in Neopia’. While I don’t think that they were talking about animals... dinosaurs are technology too. There are no flaws in my logic.

If you don’t read the rest of this article, the conclusion is simple: TNT is behind this madness. Because they lied to us.

What if TNT poisoned the omelette for brainwashing capabilities? What if it wasn’t even really egg at all, but instead a egg-like blob of certain death?

Or even better, what if it was the Tombola Man, trying to force you into buying all of his items through chemical reconfiguration!?

We all know that Mr. Tiki Tack hides his face.

Maybe now we know why.

2. Sabre-X

“You approach the massive omelette...

Sabre-X growls 'NO! You cannot take more than one slice per day!”

Who is Sabre-X?

And why on Neopia does he care if I want more eggs?

I did more research. Apparently, Sabre-X was the guy in charge of the “Strategic War Division”. He is one of the six elders in Tyrannia.

This concerns me. More than the fact that he screams at anyone who tries to take an omelette. See, if he was so vital to Tyrannia’s history... what is he doing guarding an omelette? Doesn’t he have better things to do?

You might argue that Tyrannia’s fall left the elders rather bored. It doesn’t matter. If you walk up to Sabre-X, you’ll find the same ferocity that I did in his angry angry voice. He’s enraged that you’re trying to take another slice of the Omelette. Which frightens me, seeing as there’s no rational reason to freak out so much over some egg. (And you can’t argue he’s insane; what kind of insane person is the elder of an entire world in Neopia?)

The fact that he’s guarding over a brainwashing Omelette poisoned by the Neopets team and then infiltrated by the Tiki Tack Man after a giant determined dinosaur shot eggs through a time warp onto a two toned plateau known as Tyrannia with illegal technology leads me to one conclusion, and one conclusion only.

Sabre-X is the Tiki Tack Man in disguise.

Don’t you see the resemblance?

Ah-ha! You took me seriously for a second.

I’m not that crazy. I wouldn’t base my arguments on such lies. I only base it on truths...

3. Why

Okay. So Sabre-X is suspicious. There’s a giant glob of egg on a two toned plateau named Tyrannia with illegal technology that TNT poisoned and then the Tombola Man took over and it’s all because a dinosaur made a time warp and has an obsession with sending eggs through it.

Why?

Here’s a good question. But we need to start off from the beginning.

TNT told the truth, although they were horribly confused.

See, newbies everywhere flock to the omelette. Even the not so new see the idea of free food. It shines in their eyes, and they follow their dreams of eggy goodness.

The Tiki Tack man really used to be a dinosaur. Stegosaurus, to be exact. He put on the mask and outfit in order to blend into Neopia better, but little did he know that he didn’t have the right costume. He had been hoping for a Neopet costume, but he had taken the ‘Creepy Man’ costume instead. So he tried to take it off, but right then he bumped into a bottle of glue on his counter, and the mask got permanently glued to his face.

He could take off the rest of the costume. But then it wouldn’t look right with the mask still on.

See, he had come to Neopia for freedom. He had been a very oppressed dinosaur in his homeland; he had been fascinated with destroying time warps, but his neighbors just screamed “UGGA!” and tried to get him to focus on finding more food. He didn’t want more food. He wanted a new life, and a place where his time warp meddling would be appreciated.

He sent an egg through the time warp. It wasn’t really a dinosaur egg – no, TNT wouldn’t be that heartless and allow us to eat creatures that resembled Chombies. (Or actual Neopets themselves... coughcough Blumaroo Steak.) They were special mechanical eggs, yet another product of his wonderful inventions.

Then, one day, he sent himself.

He appeared in Neopia in the middle of war. The Tyrannian War, to be exact. Sabre-X was an important figure, but he was losing his grip. He was beginning to lose the war – and he needed help.

The Tombola Man could provide that help. On one condition: if Sabre-X succeeded, he would have to help guard his yummy time warp eggs.

Sabre-X agreed, not knowing the kind of mess he was getting himself into. They defeated the Monoceraptor, and the rest was history.

After the war, he really just wanted to continue his beautiful creations. So he set up a tiny shop of items nobody would ever want, and he began running the Tombola game.

One day, a few months later, the Monoceraptor, still enraged about losing the war, barged into the Tombola area. He pulled out a portable lab ray, and blasted the Tiki Tack Dinosaur in Disguise.

The fact that he was not from Neopia had dire effects. See, the ray was intended for Neopets. Being a who knows what in disguise, it blasted him... and turned him into a horrible mutant. (He vaguely looked like a human, and later tried out for modeling, but both are irrelevant to this story.)

Yet the Tiki Tack Man remained unfazed. Despite all of his misfortune, it was better than collecting leaves. And he could continue making *prized* items at his beloved shop...

The omelette keeps regenerating to this day, because it keeps meddling around with time warps and coming back and forth from the future and past.

TNT saw the omelette, and the original dinosaur, and made up the story. However, they missed the crucial part – it was really a heartwarming tale about an inventor stegosaurus that got a costume glued to his face and meddles with time warps and conspires with a creepy green Lupe.

Next time you see the Tombola Man, make sure to tell him thank you. Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for inventing giant time warp eggs. Thank you for making dumb Island items. Thank you for pressing on.

And make sure not to mention his mask.

 
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