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Re: Sloth's Birthday Party


by autotune

--------

Dear Distinguished Neopian,

     You are cordially invited to Frank’s Birthday Party! We would love it if you were to take part in this monumental event. There will be cake, party streamers, balloons, and of course, free-flowing Neocola!

     Attire is casual. The party will be held at the Space Station Void Deck in two weeks time, on Wednesday! Please send us your RSVP if you can make it. We look forward to receiving your swift reply.

Yours, Sloth’s Assistant

     -

Dear Sloth’s Assistant,

     I regret to inform you that as the Space Faerie is an extremely busy Faerie, she must be present at an important meeting (Faerie-related matters, obviously), and is therefore unfortunately unable to participate in Mr Sloth’s birthday celebrations two weeks from now. We wish Mr Sloth a happy birthday on her behalf.

Yours, Space Faerie’s Assistant

     -

Dear Space Faerie’s Assistant,

     Would this important meeting be Fyora Day, perhaps?

Yours, Sloth’s Assistant

     -

Dear Sloth’s Assistant,

     I do not see how that is relevant.

Yours, Space Faerie’s Assistant

     -

Space Faerie’s Assistant,

     You must be new.

     Actually, the question is of utmost importance, seeing as how the Space Faerie has missed Mr Sloth’s birthday party three times a row since last year.

Sloth’s Assistant

     -

Frank,

     I demand to know why your assistant has sent my assistant flying to my office in tears. She has been sobbing about something regarding your... birthday party? What in Neopia is going on?

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Ah, yes, my birthday party. Why the confusion? Did you forget it?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     You mean to tell me that your birthday is coming up?

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Indeed it is, Wednesday in two weeks.

     You’re coming, right?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     As my assistant has no doubt told yours, I am very busy. My sincerest apologies. I’ll be sure to send flowers.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Couldn’t you just come for once? This year? Please?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     I am a Faerie. I am obligated to attend Fyora’s celebration party.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     You’re not still hung up on the pie thing three years ago, are you?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     I don’t know what you’re talking about. Pie? Three years ago? I have long forgotten the incident.

     Let me state this for you once more: I am extremely busy and I cannot come for your birthday party. Regretfully.

     OK?

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     You aren’t fooling me that easy. You’re still mad after all these years, huh?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     You are being absurd.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     And you’re in denial.

Frank Sloth

     -

Dear Sloth’s Assistant,

     I regret to inform you and your employer that as the Space Faerie is too busy, she is unable to continue this correspondence with Mr Sloth. She would like to reiterate that she must be present at Fyora’s banquet.

     She wishes Mr Sloth a happy birthday.

Yours, Space Faerie’s Assistant

     -

Space Faerie,

     I knew you to be many things, but never a coward. Go on; hide behind your assistant if you want, if you’re that scared of writing to me.

     (It was just a pie, for Fyora’s sake. Can’t we just let bygones be bygones?)

Frank Sloth

     -

Space Faerie,

     Too scared to reply, eh?

Frank Sloth

     -

Space Faerie,

     I’m waiting.

Frank Sloth

     -

Dear Mr Sloth,

     The Space Faerie requests that you not mail her anymore unless there are urgent matters (which she doubts). You may pass such ‘urgent matter’ letters to me.

     Thank you!

Yours, Space Faerie’s Assistant

     -

Space Faerie,

     If that’s how you want to play it.

Frank Sloth

     -

Space Faerie,

     Last warning!

Frank Sloth

     -

Dear Mr Sloth,

     The Space Faerie would like you to know that the blazing robot you sent was highly un-amusing. She also sends her word that you will not be forgiven for the pie incident.

     (What was that all about, anyway?)

Yours, Space Faerie’s Assistant

     -

To: Mr Frank Sloth;

     Cease this nonsense (flaming robots) immediately. All flaming items (robots, hot dogs, BBQ chips etc) should come with disclaimers.

     (This is an automated message, please do not reply.)

Lawyerbot

     -

Space Faerie,

     Alright, I know I was wrong. I shouldn’t have put Fizzy Neocola into the pie. I had no idea they were going to throw it that hard, though, I swear.

     Forgive me?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     My forgiveness does not come cheap or free. The Neocola-tainted pie was hardly your only gimmick I find hard to reconcile with. I suggest you stop bothering me. I most certainly am not going to your birthday party. Ever.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     You mean the pepper, right?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     Yes, you blockhead, the pepper. Among others.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     That was a total accident! I can’t believe you still remember it. Boy, you sure know how to hold them grudges. You know what they say about Faeries...

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     Accident? ACCIDENT? How dare you dismiss it as such!

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Okay, so I got a little carried away. How was I to know she had a cold?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     You knew perfectly well of her cold. And you dared pin the blame on me!

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Alright, alright, so I shouldn’t have put the pepper into her Scarf. Anyway, I thought she was going to set the thing on fire, as usual. Except she blew her nose on it.

     Who knew that Fire Faeries could catch colds? Isn’t that weird? Can’t blame me, right? Plus, you’d think a Fire Faerie would be pretty used to “hot stuff”. Besides, I never tried to frame you - that was Garoo. I swear.

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     We all know Garoo’s just your little crony. That boy would do anything you asked him to. I believe you instructed him in the mischief, didn’t you, Frank? Don’t deny it.

     You’re not a boy anymore. Act your age for once!

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     What’s my age again?

     ... Kidding.

     Fine, I admit that the pepper thing was partly my fault. (Low blow nonetheless.) But don’t you try to blame the soup thing on me or Garoo. That was clearly your doing.

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     Just because I foiled your little plan doesn’t mean it was my fault. Well, except from your own twisted point of view, maybe.

     At any rate, putting Grackle Bugs into Fyora’s Chunky Mushroom Soup was hardly appropriate.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     I was aiming for your bowl, actually. Fyora was a little hiccup.

     Still your fault.

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     And you ask me why I’m not coming to your birthday party? *facepalm*

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Okay.

     Why aren’t you coming to my birthday party?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     Rhetoric. Sarcasm. Are we clear?

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Crystal.

     But why aren’t you coming to my birthday party?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     Are you really that dense or are you aggravating me on purpose? The latter, I suppose.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Correct.

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     If you keep this up, you’ll be an evil criminal one day... and I’ll have the pleasure of hunting you down.

     Mark my words.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Now why would you say such a thing? I’m mischievous, sure, but not evil. I would never dream of constructing a Mind Control Lab, for example...

     I’m hurt.

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     Look, sorry. But the fact remains: I’m busy and I don’t want to risk facing yet another one of your practical jokes. How about discussing this logically and rationally like the adults we are?

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     (You started it.)

     I thought we were friends? Friends don’t miss friends’ birthday parties.

     Please say you’ll come?

Frank Sloth

     -

Frank,

     Friends don’t put bugs into friends’ soups.

     I wish I could, believe me, but I can’t. Faerie stuff has to come first.

     I have some matters to deal with for the next few days, so if you have to contact me, my assistant will tell me on Friday.

     Oh, and happy birthday, by the way.

Space Faerie

     -

Space Faerie,

     Wait, you can’t do this!!

     Frank Sloth

     -

Dear Mr Sloth,

     I regret to inform you that as the Space Faerie is an extremely busy Faerie, she must be present at an important meeting (Faerie-related matters, obviously), and is therefore unfortunately unable to participate in Mr Sloth’s birthday celebrations one week from now.

     We wish Mr Sloth a happy birthday!

Yours, Space Faerie’s Assistant

     -

Dear Space Faerie’s Assistant,

     Dr Frank Sloth would like to extend his birthday invitation to you! We would love it if you were to take part in this monumental event. There will be cake, party streamers, balloons, and of course, free-flowing Neocola!

     Attire is casual. The party will be held at the Space Station Void Deck in one week’s time, on Wednesday! Please send us your RSVP if you can make it. (If you choose not to show up, Dr Sloth regretfully informs you that he will activate the Space Station Mutation Rays and the Mind Control Lab he has been perfecting.)

     We look forward to receiving your swift reply.

Yours, Sloth’s Assistant

     -

Dear Sloth’s Assistant,

     Sure, why not? I’m free.

Yours, Space Faerie’s Assistant

The End

 
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