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Fashion For Minions


by cloudpuffpuff

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I have realized something.

My minions, those Grundo slaves that do as I please all day, every day, try to keep me, their leader, worshipped and impressed so that I don't unleash my vengeance on them. However, there is one terribly wrong thing with this system. It's a tragedy! Listen up, minions, for I have decided on BIG changes!

You all work so hard every day, and everywhere I look, I see you, sweating and sad. So, my minions, it has suddenly occurred to me how... unfashionable you all are. I mean, look at yourselves! Egads! Those bright yellow worker helmets and filthy suits are completely against fashion rules. I'm sure you all are completely aware of what true fashion looks like, as I am, obviously, the perfect example. But I need you to SHOW that you understand it! Be able to follow me around in pride! And of course, not be an embarrassment to me with your current hideous clothing. Now watch and learn as I show you exactly how you should be dressed to be the most fashionable and fabulous minions in all of Neopia! ... hence, making me look even more superior, and resulting in my dominating of Neopia. But that's a different story! Let's move on.

First off, my hairstyle. See these perfect three strands, all so precisely combed back coordinating to my outfit? They symbolize evil, torture, and pain. So do I. It fits!

Of course, you cannot possibly expect me to reveal the secret to this perfect style of hair. To how I get them to stand in just the right places... so you'll just have to think of something else, I suppose. Maybe move those Grundo ears of yours so they look like pigtails. There's that fashion I'm talking about!

Now, your face has to be just oozing with fashion as well. This means you have to have glowering red eyes. Nothing says, "Hey! I'm a fashionable minion and I'm proud!" like dastardly evil, cunning eyes.

It's time to move on to a different thing altogether: proper body care. You have to actually wash off all that disgusting filth off of your faces once in a while. It completely ruins my best efforts to making you all fashionable. Do you see a single speck of dirt on MY face? Of course not! And that isn't just because I force you all to scrub off all the dust on my face either. Nor the fact that I don't do any of that dirty work that would cause my face to get dirt on it. It's that I'm naturally a fashionista. But of course, that goes without saying.

Now, the next step is very challenging. Very challenging indeed. I need you to walk over to the kitchen. It's to your right, you fools! Okay. Take out the flour and eggs and make some dough. Roll out the dough so that it's all nice and flat. Yep, good. Separate the dough into different pieces, each one round like a circle. This is important, you know. Don't go messing up from lack of concentration! Now put the dough on this tray in little clumps, each one at least two inches away from another. Just right. Put them in the oven at 345 degrees. Wait 15 minutes.

Yes! Bring the tray over to me! *munches cookies* Do you seriously expect me to continue on an empty stomach? I'm ashamed of you, minions. Well, there's one last step that is entirely necessary for you to be ready for the fashion world.

You need, well, clothing. This is where the part that I'll actually tell you how to do comes in. I want each of you to have just the right trend, the most in season clothing on the market. And this is none other than my cloak!

See it. Envy it. Yearn for it. You're gonna have to make your own, as you do for basically everything, so I don't see how that's a problem. I'll give you a step by step guide to creating the most sensational cape to hit Neopia! Besides mine, of course. No touching.

1. Start with a large black square of black felt. Try to make it silky and kind of velvet like. What? I just named three completely different textures of fabric? Well, what do you know about fashion anyways?

So, back to my point, the square needs to be at least 15'' by 10'' if you're my size. Since you're all puny weaklings, you should probably have 5'' by 5''. Use tacky glue to stick equally sized and textured red fabric on one side of the black felt. Have the red side facing upward.

2. Go down one foot from the top of the fabric. Fold this part toward the middle, and slightly overlap one side with the other. Take out your handy dandy tacky glue and glue it in place. Make sure that it glues down to the bottom, so the cloak is held firmly together in one line of glue.

3. Laugh. Bwa ha ha!

4. Curve the part of the fabric that's one foot from the top outward a little, and make sure it's high and wide enough so that people see it behind your head when you're wearing it.

5. Create sleeves separately. Do this by using black felt and rolling it up like those mini hot dots with the bun rolled up all around them. Delicious! *ahem* Glue these onto both sides. Before doing that, though, cut out holes in the fabric where you are going to glue the sleeves, so that you can actually put your arm through. Otherwise it's kinda pointless.

6. Install beeping red chip inside it. It's, uh, not a brain control device for anybody who's wearing the cloak or anything like that. Heh heh.

So there you have it. I expect all of you to have these completed in... five seconds. Go, go go! Definitely do not forget those beeping red chips by the way. They're, uh, the latest trends! *innocent smile*

 
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