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No, Adee, I Don't Think Anyone Wants a Neobadge


by ava_ked

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Neopia, present day

So, what bedtime story do you want, dears?

     You want to hear about how Great-Granny used to take care of young Neopets? What, again?

     Oh, very well, settle down then.

     Once upon a time, Great-Granny's job was to look after young Neopets during the day. It wasn’t so bad for the first few years, but one fall the group she was asked to take care of was... well. There are simply no words to describe them.

     Neopia, many moons ago

     Good morning, everyone! Because today is Friday, I’m going to allow you to do whatever you want, within reason of course.

     No, Frank, you cannot zap everyone with your laser gun.

     Of course, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll remember you prefer to be called Sloth.

     Oh, that’s nice, Adee. Did you make those neobadges yourself? Yes, I’m sure everyone would love to have one. Isn’t that right, everyone?

     There’s no need to be rude, Darigan. I’m sure Adee put a lot of effort into making those.

     That’s exactly right, Fyora; for a peaceful community, everyone needs to treat each other nicely and with respect. Did you think that up yourself?

     Oh, I see. Well, I'm sure that being a queen sounds like a good idea right now, but it would be a lot of work.

     Yes, pink does look lovely on you but being a ruler involves more than looking pretty.

     You look very pretty also, Jhudora.

     Well, Illusen was wrong to say purple was an absolutely disgusting waste of space in the color spectrum.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     Jhudora! What did we learn yesterday about two wrongs not making a right? That’s correct, now apologize to Illusen. Green looks lovely on both of you.

     No, Edna, you are not allowed to test your Glowing Potion of Eyrie Shrinking.

     Yes, it was very clever of you to make that, but I don’t think Darigan would appreciate being shrunk.

     Sloth! I’m sure Darigan does not appreciate being whacked, either.

     Kass does not like being whacked either. I don’t think anyone here wants to be whacked.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     No, Sloth, you may not test your transmogrification potion on anyone here.

     Yes, transmogrification is a very big word and you’re very smart for thinking of it.

     Oh, I see, Eliv. And you taught Illusen ‘spectrum’ also? Yes, it was wrong of Sloth to lie about making it up himself.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     What a pretty doll, Fyora! And it looks just like you too.

     I’m sorry no one wants to play word games with you, Eliv. Do you want to read another book?

     I saw that, Illusen! Now give Fyora back her doll.

     I’m sure Fyora will still have time to play with dolls while she’s ruling Terror Mountain. Besides, she isn’t a ruler now and she really wants her doll back.

     Oh, you’ve decided you want to rule Faerieland instead?

     Well, maybe you could share with Fyora, Darigan. You can each rule a different part of Neopia.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     Oh, I’m sorry I forgot, Sloth. Perhaps you can just take over part of Neopia?

     All right, all right, I’m sure the four of you can share nicely then, Kass.

     What’s that, Fyora? Edna won’t give your doll back?

     It’s not called borrowing if you don’t give it back, Edna.

     I don’t think collateral means what you think it means. Now give Fyora her doll back.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     It’s just about lunchtime now. Did everyone remember to bring their lunches?

     No, you may not add food coloring to your Iced Eyrie Cupcake, Sloth.

     Well, why would a purple Eyrie head be any more appetizing than that lovely orange-golden color it is now?

     Kass! I agree Sloth was very mean to want to eat your head as a cupcake, but that does not give you the right to hit him.

     It’s very generous of you to want to share your jar of honey, Illusen. Why don’t you pass it around?

     Well, wouldn’t it be nicer if you just gave some to everyone? I think a sticky snowflake stamp is a rather valuable thing to ask in return for some honey.

     Yes, you were very nice to offer your neobadges for free, Adee.

     Darigan! You should have just said ‘no thank you’ politely. There was no need to throw that ice cream.

     I’m sure it will wash off, Adee.

     Is everyone done eating? You can all help clear up the table.

     Now, why don’t you all do something quiet?

     No, Jhudora, remember what happened the last time you and Illusen wanted to play ‘Quests’ with everyone else? That’s right, you made poor Thyora cry and she hasn’t been back here since.

     No, not even if you promise not to ask for anyone’s tears.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     I don’t think Eliv is quite done with that book, Edna. Why don’t you pick another one?

     Well, I’m very pleased you’ve developed a sudden interest in cooking, but you should wait until Eliv finishes reading, or try finding another copy of the book.

     That’s generous of you to offer to help, Fyora. I think the exact name is Gourmet Cooking For Your Pet.

     Edna! I know that Fyora originally said she was finding a copy for you. That doesn’t mean you can call her names now that she’s decided she wants to read it herself. Why don’t you try Fishing For Zafaras instead?

     You’re also interested in cooking, Darigan? I think we have three copies in total so feel free to look around for that last one.

     It’s okay, Sloth and Kass. I don’t think that knowing gourmet cooking is necessary before taking over Neopia. Fyora and Darigan are probably just interested in it for its own sake.

     You’ll just have to wait your turn, Jhudora.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     Oh, you’re done with it, Eliv? Why don’t you give the book to someone else now? Thank you.

     Yes, I agree it’s very funny how everyone is suddenly interested in gourmet cooking when that book has been sitting untouched for years.

     Oh, you want to read it too, Illusen? Eliv just gave his book to Sloth, but you’re next in line after Kass and Jhudora.

     ‘Eliv’ is a perfectly normal name.

     I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that the letters also spell ‘evil’, Kass. There’s no need to be jealous.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     Well, why don’t you try Cooking With Chef Boulgar instead?

     I don’t see how you can know that, since you’ve never tasted either Bonju’s nor Boulgar’s cooking.

     There, now. Looks like the others are done and you three can read the books.

     Your doll is missing again? Who took Fyora’s doll?

     Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you named it. Yes, I agree it’s a very fitting name. Has anyone here seen the Faerie Queen Doll?

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     Thank you for telling me, Illusen. Now then, why don’t you return the doll, Sloth?

     I was the one who asked if anybody had seen it. There’s no need to call Illusen names, Sloth.

     Oh, I see. Well, then, Fyora, why don’t you give back Sloth his hair gel and then he can return your doll?

     I’m sorry you’re bored, Edna. Why don’t you try making some more of your magical items?

     No, you wouldn’t be allowed to test your Rainbow Amulet of Chia Frazzling on Adee. I don’t care if you find her annoying.

     ‘Frazzling’ is a real word, Eliv. And even if it wasn’t, Edna can make up her own names if she wants to. Just like you came up with ‘Skardsen.’

     I think making a list of requirements is a brilliant idea, Fyora. Don’t be too strict, though. I’m sure everyone will treat your doll with respect.

     No, Adee, I don’t think anyone wants a neobadge.

     Oh, looks like it’s time to go home! Illusen, Kass, Jhudora: you three can finish reading tomorrow. Sloth, come away from the mirror. I’m sure Fyora didn’t sabotage your hair gel. Fyora, why don’t you finish up that list tomorrow? Everyone else, pack your things! Have a wonderful evening and I’ll see you all tomorrow.

     Why, what’s wrong, Adee?

     Yes, I think making postcards for everyone to send would be a wonderful idea. I’m sorry nobody wanted your neobadges.

     Well, I don’t know if they’ll like your postcards either, but you can try.

     Oh, that’s nice of you, Adee, but I still have a few hundred neobadges from the past two weeks. And the spare room in my neohome is still filled with those banners you made about world events.

     I’ll see you tomorrow, Adee.

     No, I really don’t want another neobadge, but thank you very much.

     Neopia, present day

     That’s all for tonight. If you want to hear more, you’ll have to wait until another day.

     Yes, I did keep track of them after they grew up.

     Why don’t you spend some time in the library tomorrow? The Neopian Times Archives is full of accounts describing their adult years.

     Yes, I felt very sorry for Adee too.

     Well, then, perhaps next time you see her around you could take a neobadge or a postcard, or ask her to describe the world events in more detail? I’m sure it would make her very happy.

The End

 
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