Petpet Employment: Species Appropriate Jobs
Have you ever seen a Petpet and thought, “That Petpet would make a great addition
to my traveling band of banana jugglers!”? Or have you ever seen your Aisha’s
Mazzew playfully batting at it’s Mootix Springy toy and think, “That Mazzew could
help me further my plans for world domination if I created a Mootix Springy Toy
powered megacannon!”? If so, then this article is for you (but before reading,
maybe you should see a psychiatrist)!
It may seem silly to some, but Petpet employment is a very serious matter.
So serious in fact that you may even DIE while reading this article! (Well maybe
not die… probably just foam at the mouth for a couple days…)
I am ace reporter jakeohman, here from the A.F.P.P.E.A.J. (Association For
PetPet Employment At Jobs) or affpeaj to tell you about S.A.J.F.P.P. (Species
Appropriate Jobs For PetPets) or sajfpp.
I’ve compiled a list of all possible jobs for each of the Petpet species listed
below. I’ve stayed up countless nights compiling list after list of possible
Petpet jobs (well, if one night looking at the “All Petpets” section counts
as countless nights).
While reading this article, the little known phrase you should keep in mind
is “Petpets are people, too.” Hey, I said it was little known, not accurate!
Now, here they are, Species appropriate jobs for Petpets!
These little creepy critters, make surprisingly good masseuses, their six legs
feel great as they gently massage your back. So soothing… and kinda creepy at
the same time…
With their widespread arms, Deavers are perfect for sending coded flag messages.
So if you need to send a long message like “The pudding’s warm now so don’t
bother coming over for pudding and banana juggling” across a huge chasm in the
middle of a blizzard, and all you had were several multicolored flags and a
book that told you how to train a Deaver to wave several multicolored flags
to send a message across a huge chasm in the middle of a blizzard, the Deaver’s
the Petpet for you!
Really, there’s only one job that a Feepit is good at. And that job is… Muffin
Hunter! A Feepit can smell a muffin from up to ten miles away! It may sound
ridiculous, pointless, and completely useless but it can actually come quite
in handy. Say that you bought the Uber-Powerful Ummagine Battle Muffin (Mmm…
Umagine-y…) but lost it on the way back from the trading post. Fear not! Your
trusty Feepit will find it for you!
Also, a Feepit’s ability would come in VERY handy if an evil and crazy scientist
were going to try and destroy Neopia by enlarging a blueberry muffin so that
it was bigger than Neopia itself, to attract a larger than Neopia rodent that
would eat the Blueberry Muffin and Neopia in one gulp! Your trusty Feepit would
sniff out that mad scientist’s Blueberry Muffin before he could enlarge it!
Now that’s useful!
As most people know, Airax make great messengers as these little guys can deliver
a letter from the Spooky Woods to Terror Mountain in less than a day! Besides
delivering messages, Airax also love to sing. Few people know this, but Airax
will sit on your Neopets shoulder all day, chirping away!
There are three jobs that the Mazzew are good at. The first one is by far the
most popular: Rock Star. Mazzew’s short arms are just the right length for strumming
guitar strings, and, if you can understand Tyrannian they have awesome lyrics
and singing voices. The second job is the second most popular: Mootix Springy
Toy bopper. Mazzews can sit for hours just bopping away at that little plaything.
The third job is the least popular: Coal Miner. For some reason, Mazzews love
to dig through the Tyrannian ground looking for coal!
Ever wondered what your Deaver meant by “Brfffffffffllp” that time that you
were juggling bananas on one side of a huge chasm in the middle of a blizzard?
A Piraket could tell you that it probably meant “What do you mean I have to
learn how to wave flags in a certain order to send a message across this chasm?”
For Pirakets are some of the best Petpets for “Petpet-to-whatever language you
speak” translations! They love to translate and will always be there whenever
you need them (well, unless it’s time for their mid-afternoon cracker snack!)!
Ever have a Neopet that was so happy that it was annoying? Well, a Frowny can
fix that! Just show that overly-happy Neopet your Frowny and in a matter of
moments, he’ll be all misery and woe! Now go out and make people unhappy, you
little happiness destroyer you!
These little octopi are surprisingly good fry cooks! With its four arms flying
all over the place, you’ll have hundreds of perfectly cooked patties in just
seconds! It can also handle French fries and milkshakes as well!
Do you have a small Pet? Perhaps your Baby Aisha is having a hard time getting
around your Neohome? Or has your Tomato Chia been nearly sliced up one too many
times? If you have any of these problems, a Faellie is the Petpet for you! This
fine Faerie Petpet will taxi all your smallest pets around!
Ah, the Meepit. The one Petpet that you either love, hate, or are undecided
as to what you think about scary, big-eyed, pink-skinned rodents. Anyway, no
matter what you think of this allegedly evil little thing, it is absolutely
perfect for one job: Evil Scientist Assistant. These little critters will scurry
back and forth, delivering plans for world domination (or world destruction),
highly unstable potions, and even bottles of bottled evil laughter (it’s a brand
new invention! Just pop the cork and… –Cork pops out- MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!)
Also, most Neopians are scared senseless by these little buggers. What better
assistant could you have?
Are you constantly worried that Carrot Chia robbers with Cybunny carrot swords
are going to attack your patch of carrots for no apparent reason? Fear not!
Simply get a Floud to guard your carrot patch! Because when Flouds take a bite
of carrot, they- -Large anvil falls out of the sky onto my head thus stopping
me from telling the elusive secret, that when Flouds eat carrots they- -Anvil
falls on explanation of what happened-…
Gebs are nearly useless, leaving them only one job they can do well. If you
need a paperweight, hire a Geb.
Unlike the useless Geb, Rocks can use their highly scientific minds to help
them become Professors –Shows picture of rock tapping chalkboard with ruler-,
Scientists –Shows Rock standing next to chemicals-, and toilet clogger –Shows
rock caught in toilet bowl-. Rocks can also be used as anchors, truck drivers,
and a good thing to throw across a giant chasm in the middle of a blizzard with
a note tied to it saying “The pudding’s warm now so don’t bother coming over
for pudding and banana juggling,” after you have given up trying to teach your
Deaver how to wave flags in a certain way to get that message across the chasm.
(You’d thought you’d seen the last of that last time didn’t you?)
I’ve saved the best for last. Slorgs have the most possibilities for jobs of
any Petpet EVER!!! They can be Psychiatrists, Chefs, Shopkeepers, Dung defeaters,
Gardeners, Restockers, that weird thing you stepped on while you were coming
back from your favorite Banana-Juggling friend’s house, Musicians, Rock taking
out of toilet-ers, and countless other jobs! So if you need a job done call
on a Slorg!
That about wraps up Petpet Employment: Species Appropriate Jobs. It’s been
a fun ride. We laughed. We cried. We un-clogged rock clogged toilets. We learned
about how Evil Laughter in a bottle works. We tried to contact someone across
a giant chasm in the middle of a blizzard, by Deaver flag-waving, Piraket translating,
and finally Rock throwing.
Now it’s all over. So go out, buy that Floud that you’ve been needing, but
didn’t know you needed until this article made you worry about Carrot Chia robbers
with Cybunny carrot swords attacking your patch of carrots for no apparent reason!