Neopia's Future New Features
LOST DESERT – Yeah, it’s exciting to be in the first month of a new year on
Neopets and it’s fun to speculate about what new games, plots, Neopet species,
and surprises might be in store for us in the coming 12 months... but for this
article, let’s forget about Year 7 for a second.
Let’s instead turn the speculation dial to a point further into the future
– to 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 25 years from now…even up to 50 years
from now. What might Neopia be like in the distant future? What might be different?
What might have changed? What will stay exactly the same?
Well, now is your opportunity to get a sneak preview of what the future of
Neopia will be like (at least what I think it will be if current trends continue).
It is contained in this letter I sent to the Neopets Team recently on this very
The Neopets Team
100 A Splode Avenue
Sumwherin, Neopia Central
Dear Neopets Team:
I am writing you today because I felt that the results of an experiment that
Scarlet, my Zafara, and I performed in the Lost Desert recently might interest
you – specifically since those results are about you and your future.
You see, a few months ago, Scarlet read your lovely books Time Travel
and Jump Into the Future and insisted he and I attempt to see the future
of Neopia for real. I went along with it, and so we built a machine out of Space
Station junk with a giant antenna and a screen that Scarlet hoped would receive
transmissions from the future. To my surprise, it worked – the machine displayed
several transmissions from future Neopian New Features pages. In fact, the fuel
I used to power the machine, the contents of a Pan Galactic Gargle Slushie,
was so powerful that we were even able to see news put out by you up to Year
57 – 50 years from now! We were only able to get recordings of bits and pieces
because of static, but what we got were authentic future New Features that you
wrote years from now. Very interesting New Features, I might add, as
What we got included news that we would kind of expect to see after 50 years…
- A bell tolls, a Lupe howls. Somewhere on the Virtupets Space Station, Dr.
Sloth momentarily gags while drinking a can of Neocola. Another game has been
dragged into the Games Graveyard. For real this time.
A continuation of certain beloved trends…
And proof that in Neopia, some things will never change…
- We have fixed some additional errors in the Which Petpet Are You quiz we
released some years ago, so if you believe that the test was in error when
you took it, you can retake it by clicking here. We promise this time
that you will not be a Pink Slorg unless you deserve it.
But that’s enough writing from me. Here are the rest of the New Features I
was able to record from the years up to and including Year 57:
- It’s time for a new Random Contest! This week we want you to… um…
Tell you what— we’ve done everything random we can think of, including
asking you to think of ideas for us (twice), so this week… just do whatever
you want. Poems, artwork, live karaoke… you name it. We’ll judge your entries
based on how much we like them.
- There are rumors circulating that some sort of creatures that can barely
be seen are attaching themselves to Petpetpetpetpetpets. Below is a picture
of what these guys are believed to look like. We will update on this as soon
as we know more…
- What’s this? It seems to be some sort of high-tech transportation device
that runs on fossil fuels…
- It appears that the ruins of Maraqua got tired of just sitting there while
the other worlds got all the attention, and therefore has started swirling
- Issue 2283 of the Neopian Times has just been released! Lots of stories,
comics, and yet another article by that dude that’s been writing for the NT
since Y5 or so. (I think it’s time we added our 52nd NT restriction…)
- Good news! We have increased the amount of NP you get from Whack-a-Kass
EDIT: No, wait a minute… it was decreased by 50%. You now get 1 NP for
every 100 points scored. Ouch, sorry guys…
- New Game - Get ready for our newest game starring Marvin the Meerca,
Meerca Chase XII! Yes, the second cousin of our last game’s hero, Micah,
is stepping up to the Negg collecting plate this time. This sequel contains
all the lava pits, attacking Yurbles, and heat-seeking Rahketmelon missiles
you’ve come to expect in Meerca Chase, except this time, some of the Neggs
are after YOU…
*Heh heh heh*
- Fyora has just made paintbrushes for the new Petpetpetpetpetpetpets available
in the Hidden Tower for 1,000,000,000 NP! Use these brushes to paint
your pixel-sized treasures red, blue, pink, or use the extra special Christmas
paintbrush to make it… uh… red. (It’s only a pixel tall… what did you expect?)
- Bad news – Neopia is currently experiencing a severe outbreak of
Floppy Tongue, one thought to be caused by everyone trying to say Petpetpetpetpetpetpet.
To assist in reducing the epidemic, the Neopian Medicine Shop has increased
its supply of Tongue Shrinkers by 500% and advises everyone to learn about
- After years of answering questions about this in the Neopian Times Editorial,
everyone should know what this holiday is by now, so, for once… Happy St.
David’s Day everyone!
- Our artists were kinda bored today, so they decided to finally draw some
of those sketches they hadn’t done yet. Therefore, sketches of Zafaras, Eyries,
and Korbats are now available.
- A special Art Gallery has just gone live featuring artwork commemorating
Sloth and Jhudora’s recent change of feelings toward each other…
*images not available*
- You may now own six Neope- ha ha, made you look!
Those were all the New Features my Zafara and I were able to see with the machine
since, unfortunately, some Lyins and Scarabugs got into the wiring and shorted
the machine out. Well, to tell you the truth, the machine isn’t even there anymore
since… um… Dr. Sloth’s Rock Beast spontaneously came back to life yesterday
and ate it, and I therefore can’t really prove that it existed in the first
place. But you believe me, right?
Anyway, I hope you found these New Features as interesting as I did and will
ponder over them and think about them and your reactions to them as you make
decisions about Neopia in the future. In the meantime, have a great, eventful
half century, and we Neopian will be waiting to see how you use it.
Author's note: This is one of my first attempts at writing for the Neopian
Times, so any comments on this article you might have or suggestions for improvement
you could send to me through Neomail would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for
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