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Top 20 Useless Neopian School Supplies - Part 1


by darkobsession

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Good day to you, dear Neopian Times readers, and welcome to autumn, the beautiful season of collecting and harvesting after a long summer of relaxing. It's the time of the year to start being productive, but to kids everywhere, it's also known as the dreaded back-to-school season.

And despite the fact that Neoschool never really opened in an official manner, Neopets are still getting a proper education. There are thousands of books to read on any subject matter (science, history, geography, linguistics, etc) and a lot of Neopets get home-schooled or form study groups. For this reason alone, the Neopian School Supplies shop is still open for business, and perhaps for this same reason, and with the absence of competition, it keeps coming up with crazy inventions that no one seems to be able to use when going to school; inventions that are impractical, or just for show, and sometimes plain weird and creepy. I set up camp near the Shop for three days - despite the continuous showers of rain and catching a terrible cold - watching Neopians enter and exit, carrying bags and bags of supplies. Between my sneezes, I managed to interview some of these shoppers on what School supplies they turned away from, and assembled a list of the top twenty Neoschool items you'll never use, in alphabetical order:

1. Delicious Paste

I don't like to be the one who whines about this, but despite all the Neohospital warnings about eating paste and its negative effect on health, the School Supplies Shop still came up with a tasty paste!! And then it issued a warning against eating it. It's like telling kids "go ahead and eat it." This product is pure evil genius. I wonder what it tastes like...

2. Doodled In Composition Book

As if being poor wasn't bad enough to own hand-me-downs and used notebooks found in the rubbish dump or the second-hand shop; this composition book is not only doodled in, but the doodles are quite badly drawn. There's a Kiko, a flower, and something else ā€“ which I have no idea what it is. They're repeated on all the pages, rendering this composition book useless. When I asked the Shopkeeper, that sly Techo shook his head and said "I opened the shop one time, only to be buried in an avalanche of these notebooks, along with a note that said: a gift from the kind Happiness Faerie to all the kids in Neopia! What choice did I have but sell them at reduced prices?"

3. Dung Folder

TNT has a weird fascination with dung, but having a paper folder made entirely from it is not something that can be easily accepted. You can't hold it, you can't put any papers in it, and you can't put it in your bag, on your shelf, or between your books - because it'll stink up everything. Unless you're a naturally stinky person; or a fly-eating Quiggle, the only place for this item is the trash can. Or better yet, the "discard" button.

4. Exercise Book

It only has two pages in it and it is of Rarity 98, which makes it very hard to find and really expensive to purchase. Not only that, but the pages are ripped and tattered. You have to buy the extra pages separately. It's a clear-as-the-sun rip-off if I ever seen one (even the item's description says so.)

5. Fire Ruler & Fire Scissors

Owning fire items might be considered "cool" and "trendy" sometimes, especially for pyromaniacs, but not when it comes to the rules and scissors. You're using them on paper. Fire doesn't agree well with paper. Getting my drift? So imagine you're done with a three-day assignment and you want to make a straight line at the end, or cut up a piece of cardboard for a science project. You'll have to wear oven mitts, and everything will burn into ashes anyway.

6. Ghostly Folder

This is one creepy folder to hold your papers. On one hand, it will keep your classmates from trying to steal your homework, but on the other hand, you might end up losing your homework and assignments to the other dimension, if the ghosts who inhabit this folder got angry with you for some reason.

7. Glowing Chalk

At first glance, there is nothing wrong with glowing chalk. It is nice to look at and cool to use, especially if you want to decorate your bedroom walls and ceiling with stars and other shapes to gaze at while lying in your bed at night. However, it has been proven that the glow is radioactive, and that can turn you into a mutant if you use it a lot, or at least it will give you a mutant hand, with 8 fingers and an eye (or something like that.) Also, the "it's too dark to do my homework" excuse won't work anymore with your mom. Avoid!

8. Gross Palette

Slime, dung, snot and hairballs!!! My dear friend: if your parents are cheap enough to buy you this instead of a real palette, then maybe you should put yourself in the pound and hope to be adopted by a nicer family. Then again, given the choice, this is not a bad idea to get back at them by using this on the walls or the closets and proclaiming you were feeling "creative" at the moment. *evil laugh*

9. Inky Eraser, Notepad and Pen

Ok, so here's what happened: a Skeith Neopet named Jeff used an overflowing pen, and made such a mess on their desk. Of course, the notepad they wrote on became inky as well. And when he tried to erase what he did, his eraser was smeared all over. He then decided to get rid of everything before the teacher sees what he did. Unfortunately, the Grarrl who bought these items had just fired from his job as a Plushie Tycoon manager (for dipping toys in ink, nonetheless) and decided to mass-market them, "flooding" the market. *snickers.* Lesson to learn: if your pen malfunctions, just throw it away and buy a new one.

10. Invisible Ink

Aside from the pretty bottle, there's nothing else you can do with this ink. This is not a trick ink where it vanishes and reappears when you heat it or squeeze a lemon on it. It's simply invisible. How they make it visible inside the bottle is something I always wondered about, but once it touches the paper, it's gone, kaput, vanished. So basically, unless you want to write a diary no one can read (including yourself) don't buy this.

Note: for the readers' comfort, this list will include the first ten items only, thus ending part one of this article. Expect part two soon, with ten more useless items bought from the School Supplies Shop.

 
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