Inside the Mind of A Deranged Meepit
Also by mookaa
My name is Sir Meeps-A-Lot, but you can call me Meep for short. Obviously, I'm a meepit- one of the (okay, THE cutest and smartest petpet of all. If I have to explain why we're the cutest and smartest, then you're a hopeless cause.
Anyway, what I'm about to tell you is very, very important.
I'm here to correct the notion that meepits are vile and scary creatures.
Because we're not.
Just because we like terrorizing inhabitants everywhere and appear out of nowhere with our eyes seemingly staring right through your soul doesn't mean we're scary. It means we're... friendly.
Let me tell you a little story...
Once upon a time, a baby meepit was born. The weather was perfect- sunny, yet not too bright, as if all of Neopia, even they sky itself, was rejoicing over coming of the new meepit. Throughout Neopia, and even, some said, Virtupets and Kreludor, everyone and his brother and sister celebrated the arrival of such a glorious creature.
Weewoos and pawkeets hung Chocolate Coated Candy Canes everywhere. The faeries expressed their absolute joy by handing out even more quests than usual. Even King Skarl was said to have smiled the exact moment the meepit appeared in Neopia, surprising his royal guards. The poor Neopian who tried to make the king laugh even jumped up and down for joy, thinking that he'd get more than an avatar (since, come on, if making him chuckle will get you an avatar, what more if he make him laugh until he cried?). However, his hopes were dashed when the king explained that it was not his joke that made him smile but the coming of the meepit.
It was also due to this precious and adorable meepit that every third day of the month, all of Neopia celebrated by having all of their merchandise 50% off. Neopians far and wide visited the home of this little meepit to coo over him and bestow gifts of all kinds- precious stones, neggs and even, from the stingy Snowager itself, some of its treasures.
Thousands of Neopians even flocked to his naming ceremony to witness the start of a new era. For this meepit, with his mere presence, brought hope and joy to all.
"He shall be named...," his owner began, raising her voice so that she could be heard by everyone.
All eyes and ears were on them.
Everyone clapped and cheered. Some cried, some yelled and all went home with wide smiles on their faces, happy to be part of such a momentous event.
"Now, Sir Meeps-A-Lot," his owner, a pretty yellow Kacheek named Briony began, "I know that such a magnificent creature cannot be bound, so I am freeing you. You are hereby free to roam Neopia and bring happiness to all you pass by. All I ask is that you remember and visit me whenever you get the chance to. You have such a bright future ahead of you. Go now, young meepit. Be free!"
And with those parting words, Sir Meeps-A-Lot was free.
And here to spread happiness and joy to all.
And that was how Sir Meeps-A-Lot, aka I, came to be.
Of course, being too young, I didn't remember any of those things happening. It was a good thing Lily tucked a piece of envelope in my backpack that day. The envelope contained a single piece of paper (a very long one- Lily was a big fan of scrolls) highlighting the events which took place, as well as the gifts and blessings given to me.
Anyway, let me continue my tale...
The first one I visited was the Soup Faerie.
She fainted at the sight of me.
Through sheer ingenuity, I managed to make her come to her senses by waving a rotten artichoke on a stick.
After gagging and wheezing for a couple of seconds (okay, it was probably a couple of minutes), she squealed and grabbed me.
"I HAVE HEARD SOOOO MUCH ABOUT YOU!" she yelled, making my poor eardrums bleed. Of course, being a benevolent creature, I forgave her for that. It was oh so clear that she is such an adoring fan.
Her expression changed from a very happy one to a severely depressed one in a heartbeat.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't able to witness your arrival," she cried. Big fat tears leaked from her eyes. "I've begged and begged Queen Fyora to grant me one vacation day- after all, I haven't taken a day off in ten years! But did she agree? Noooo. Oh, I was so devastated! Those who came and visited me complained that the food was too salty due to my tears- couldn't they see that I was distraught? All I had for news were those from the poor Neopians. My faerie sisters all had the pleasure to see you except me. But now," she paused, as if searching for the right words to say, "I consider myself the luckiest faerie alive for o was the first one you visited!"
"Now," the Soup Faerie asked, her face beaming with joy, "What is it you seek, little one? Do you need my advice? Or do you seek to taste my delicious food? I know! I bet it is my company you seek-"
"Actually," I began, cutting her off, "I just wanted to know how to go to Faerieland."
Her face fell.
"As well as your delicious food, of course," I added immediately.
She smiled brightly. "Oh, do forgive me, Sir Meep-A-Lots. I am such a terrible hostess! I-"
"Sir Meeps-A-Lot," I interrupted.
"It's Sir MEEPS-A-Lot, not Sir Meep-A-Lots," I corrected.
She pouted. "I'm so sorry! Let me fix you a plate to make you feel better. You must be starving! Don't you worry. Little Miss Soup Faerie will make you feel like a billion neopoints. I can't wait to tell all of my sisters about this! Oh, they will be so jealous. I remember the time when Illusen got-"
I sighed inwardly. This was going to be a long day.
After a couple of hours, I have finally escaped the evil clutches of the Soup Faerie.
Okay, I kid. She isn't that bad. She's just a little... overeager. Yeah. That's it. But I don't blame her. It's not every day that a neocelebrity visits ordinary faeries.
So anyway, after a couple of hours, I am finally on my way to visit the Faerie Queen.
Riding a yellow Uggatrip, the Soup Faerie's favorite petpet. Well, favorite after the meepits, that is.
She told me to take care of her dear little Snookums, placed me on top of him, and told Snookums to bring me to the Faerie Queen.
What the Soup Faerie failed to tell me was that Snookums lacks exercise. I mean, half an hour after riding him, he collapsed, his tongue sticking out.
I had to go and visit shops until I found one selling bottles of water. After seeing me, the shopkeeper immediately shrieked in surprise, leading to more shopkeepers coming to see what the commotion was all about.
I was mobbed.
All of them started talking at once- "Sir Meeps-A-Lot, you are such a magnificent creature!" "Sir Meeps-A-Lot, may I have your autograph?" "Yo, Meeps! I want your fang print!"
I couldn't take it anymore, so I did what meepits do best.
I bared my fangs.
That did not quite have the reaction I expected.
Instead of cowering in fear, they gasped in delight! "Oh, he's so cute. Look at him," someone cooed.
I mentally slapped myself. Great. Now I'll never make it to Faerieland in time. These creatures look like they are a few bricks short of a load.
"Wait, look at the poor dear," one of them spoke up. "The poor thing looks dehydrated!"
Well, maybe there's still hope for them yet.
"Here you go, Snookums," I told the Uggatrip. "I hope you're happy. It wasn't easy getting you that bottled of water."
It took me over an hour to escape their clutches. Ah. The price of being a celebrity.
After the uggatrip drank his fill, we continued on our journey. Again, stopping after thirty minutes.
"You can't be tired again!" I exclaimed.
The Uggatrip glared at me.
"I mean, come on! We just stopped half an hour ago. How are we going to make it in time if we keep on stopping?"
Well, two can play that game.
"All right, all right!" I yelled, "I give up. I GIVE UP! Just please, get your paws off me!"
The Uggatrip smirked.
"You win. Fine. Just don't tell me I didn't warn you. If Queen Fyora is displeased with me, I'm putting all the blame on you."
This was going to be a long journey.
Finally, after thirty long agonizing days, we finally arrived. Sore and with a killer headache to match, I immediately checked into the room we were renting and slept, Snookums and Queen Fyora forgotten.
Queen Fyora waited thirty days. She could wait for one more.
After sleeping more than half the day away, I woke up to find Snookums whining loudly, stomach growling. Seeing that I was awake, he ran at me, teeth bared.
"Nice Snookie-wookie," I said, grinning sheepishly. "Um, I promise that it'll never happen again. Hey, let's go grab a bite to eat!" I exclaimed, running towards the door.
Sure enough, Snookums went with me, his anger forgotten. I shook my head. Uggatrips. Not smarter than meepits.
After eating our fill (and in Snookum's case, more than triple his fill), we were finally on our way to meet the Faerie Queen.
It wasn't a difficult task getting into the Queen's room. After all, when one is as *cough* famous as I am, one look at your face and they'd practically trip themselves trying to please you.
Snookums is a different story entirely.
Anyway, as soon as I entered the room, the guards immediately went near me and, after asking for my autograph, called the attention of the Queen.
The Queen was no different.
"Sir Meeps-A-Lot! Thank heavens you're arrived safe and sound. Another day late and I would have reported you missing! My, have you grown a lot. And such an adorable meepit at that!"
Ahh. Praise. After a whole month of being in the company of the Uggatrip (and the occasional villagers to get supplies), it was delightful to be fawned over.
"So my Queen," I began, "what is it you seek of me?"
The Queen smiled. "Oh, I'm sure it is something you would enjoy. It would not be a difficult task for one so magnificent."
I listened attentively.
"I want you to travel the world. Can you believe it- there are a lot of Neopians who have not heard of either of us. They do not even know the reason why there is Half Priced Day, nor do they know the greatness of Faerieland. Your mission, so to speak, it to tell the world of our greatness. Are you up for it, my little meepit?"