Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 192,951,128 Issue: 667 | 31st day of Collecting, Y16
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Halloween and How To Deal With It

by nikibogwater


Ah, Halloween, that magical (and tasty) time of year when Spyders spin webs, the Brain Tree writes riddles, and Sophie is in a slightly less grumpy mood. Neopets flock to the streets, disguised both for pleasure and to shield themselves from unfriendly eyes, to collect their rewards of a long, happy walk around the neighborhood. But once they return to their nervous owners waiting in their boarded-up Neohomes, it's an entirely different story. The horrors of Halloween only appear after midnight, so you've got just enough time to barricade the door and lock your Werelupe in the basement. All experienced owners dread Halloween for one reason:

The monsters come out.

Be warned, fair reader, that the following was not written for the faint of heart. You may discover that Neopia is not the place you thought it was, nor was Halloween the day you thought it was. Be prepared for a shock. If you are an experienced Neopian, read on, but read with haste. The midnight hour is close at hand... er, paw. Whichever the case may be.

The necessary prep work should be done the day before Halloween, preferably in clear, sunny weather. Make sure your Neopet has been blessed at least once by a Light Faerie. Evil forces are less likely to disturb a pet marked with the protection of a Light Faerie. Fyora's blessing is even better, but some of you aren't lucky enough to have an audience with her, so just work with what you can get and you'll be fine. Probably. Just make sure you lock your Meepits outside. Stock the pantry with lots of candy. Sugar will give you the energy you need to stay vigilant through the night. If you cannot afford lots of candy, send your Neopet trick-or-treating. Kind-hearted souls who are aware of the danger will give out extra candy, so try trick-or-treating in an older neighborhood filled with more experienced Neopians.

It is advised that one remove all breakable valuables from outside their home, such as garden gnomes, jack-o-lanterns, and ice sculptures. Contrary to popular belief, that cute little Acara Gnome will not, in fact, ward off evil spirits, and whatever you do, DON'T leave your Paint Devil Gnome in plain sight during the weeks preceding Halloween. It can give the wrong impression to the wrong people, if you know what I mean. Purchase large padlocks for each door leading outside, and find a better place to hide the key than under the welcome mat on the porch. Repair any broken window shutters and check the caulking in your bathtub; yes, things can, and will try to enter through the bathroom. Have your Giant Bath Plugs ready.

If the Meepits don't getcha, the Zombies will. Make sure your doors are heavy and properly barricaded before settling in to wait out the Halloween storms. Those who live near graveyards can expect to be hit the hardest. Remember to remove any Open Graves you might have in your yard, as that can attract sleepy Zombies. Why you have an Open Grave in your yard, I won't ask, but waking up the morning after Halloween to find a Zombie snoozing in your garden is really an issue one generally wants to avoid. Leaving fresh brains by the door does not actually stave off the Zombie hoards. Rather, it will egg them on. Zombie logic can be summed up thusly: where there's one brain, there's more. Owners with more than two Neopets are advised to keep them quiet, as Zombies are attracted to the noises of a crowd.

Ghosts are scary, but hardly dangerous. Being ethereal spirits lacking physical bodies, they can wail and haunt and generally cause a spooky little ruckus, but they don't pinch or poke like Zombies. They will drift through your walls periodically, and it's best to just ignore them and wait for them to float off on their own. Chasing them around the house with a broom doesn't work. Just trust me on that one. If you don't want to deal with the noise, it is advised you keep something fluffy and adorable in somewhere plain sight, such as a Feepit on the coffee table. A majority of these restless souls will be so disgusted, they will refuse to enter your home.

Witches will run rampant on Halloween. Setting off flares from the roof is a good way to scare them off, but a more effective tactic in Witch Defense, according to Corbin, anyway, is to avoid them entirely. If they don't know who you are, they can't find you.

All Lupe owners should take special caution. If your Lupe has been in contact with a Werelupe within the past thirteen months, avoid it on Halloween night. Even Lupes who have not been exposed to this mutation are known to be edgy this time of year. Fortunately, Werelupes mainly stalk the borders of the Haunted Woods, and citizens of other lands shouldn't be too worried about it. If you happen to live in the Haunted woods... Well, good luck to you. That is all I have to say on the matter.

I was asked to give advice concerning Meepits. There is none. If the Meepits attack this year, we will all perish or become their slaves. Either way, there is nothing you can do to avoid them. End of discussion.

Don't let your Neopet stay out after ten-o-clock. Although the dangers almost never present themselves before midnight, you should give yourself ample time to finish your last minute preparations and tuck your Neopet safely in bed. All Neopets will be safe in bed. The most basic of magical defense strategies is to hide under the covers. Nothing will touch you when you are under the blankets, not even the monster under the bed. Old Box Forts are effective as well. Cardboard can be surprisingly resilient, and it is, in fact, one of the few substances on Neopia that can repel ghosts, strangely enough.

Already, I can hear the forces gathering outside. It is time to batten down the hatches and lie low. Evil is afoot this night, and we must survive it. And eat a ton of candy, that's important too. Just remember to brush your teeth afterwards so you don't get cavities. Good luck, fellow Neopian. May we meet again, when the sun's rays wash away the stain of dark magic after a long and grueling night...

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


The Necromancer: Part Three
"Well, Commissioner," Assander began coolly, "I take it you will be investigating this case personally. It seems a little over the heads of the detectives..."

by jokerhahaazzz


Superchia Squad (Part 5)
Last time, Grape Girl had come up with a plan...

Idea and dialogue by abductee

by frozenicicles


New Holiday Proposals!
I think there are a lot of aspects about Neopia that deserve their own special holidays!

by indulgences


Worth Searching For: Part Five
"Wake up," Isengrim said, gently shaking her shoulder. "It is time for the feast in your honour."

by cosmicfire918

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.