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The Neopian Book Club: What to read and what to skip


by table

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      Imagine you are standing in a book shop in front of one of is vast piles of books. You are amid a throng of dozens of other word-hungry Neopians but, unlike them, you just can't decide what book to try next. Which of the hundreds of books are worth reading? Which are just not worth the time? This article will detail this week's top must-reads and absolute avoids

      1. First Aid for Deep Wounds

      Where to buy: Shop Wizard, Trading Post, or Auction House

      First Aid for Deep Wounds was given as a prize to those who competed in the Daily Dare Y18. This is a book written by daredevils for daredevils. If you didn't compete in the Daily Dare, this probably isn't your kind of book.

      One main topic in the book is how to deal with various Petpet bites. Now this is a subject that no one really likes to talk about. I mean, who likes to admit that a small, tiny, adorable creature bit them? But let's be real; a Marbluk bite hurts like the dickens and needs proper treating! This book explains every step to treating bites from any creature you could think of. If you're shrugging right now and thinking: "Whatever, I would never get bitten. I'm too good." then you need this book more than anyone. For example, did you know that if a Snowickle bites you that you need to smear Ignalce spit over the wound within an hour or the limb will freeze off? I bet you didn't! Pretty gruesome but reading this book can help you avoid that and equally undesirable outcomes!

      2. A Beginners Guide to Mixing Transmogrification Potions

      Where to buy: restocks in the Magical Bookshop

      On the surface this book looks like a bit of a contradiction. On one hand, it's a very comprehensive guide to mixing some of the simpler transmogrification potions. However, on the other hand, it explicitly states not to try any of the recipes at home. But that's such a bummer; you read the whole book and then can't actually mix anything! That's why we would advise you ignore the book's warning (our lawyers have said we can't advise that, but we're doing it anyway). If you're smart and a bit fearless, you can use the instructions in this book to make transmogrification positions for you, your friends, or your shop. This could be the beginning of you being a potion mogul.

      3. The Ultimate Guide to Placing Garden Gnomes

      Where to buy: Shop Wizard, Trading Post, or Auction House Are you one of those Neopians who has been anxiously waiting for the revival of Neo gardens? So am I! And I'm absolutely thrilled for this book. Garden Gnomes are a staple in tasteful garden decor and I believe this book could give everyone the gardening bug again. The Ultimate Guide to Placing Garden Gnomes, or UGPGG as I've taken to calling it, isn't just a guide to placing gnomes aesthetically but also practically. It's full of handy tips for preserving and protecting your gnomes. For example, you never want to place them facing the south people. The heavy midday sun might discolor their beautiful colors! This book also contains handy tips for proofing your gnome for all sorts of weather conditions. A gnome on terror mountain doesn't need the same sealant qualities as one living in a Moltara garden. Bookshop curators, please put this book in your shop window! Bring back the garden gnome!

          Okay now let's say you wanted to get more than three book, right? Well I don't have time to write about every book on the shelf but I can give you a few to absolutely avoid. I won't tell you where to get these because they're honestly just garbage.

      1. Dreams of Neopia Central

      Dreams of Neopia Central are written by Mika, co-owner of the Igloo Garage Sale, about his dreams of visiting Neopia Central. I can summarize the 400 page brick in four words: he really loves food. There, now you've basically read the book. The novel revolves around Mika's dreams of eating the hamburger food shop. Yes, you heard right, dreams about the Neopian Fresh Foods building being edible. There are 10 chapters devoted to the different kinds of sauce that might be on the burger, another 10 about the kind of cheese. Mika. Buddy. We just don't care.

      The last third of the book is literally his shopping list for all the food shops in the Bazaar. He has pages and pages of things he wants to get from The Chocolate Factory, The Bakery and Neopian Health Foods. It's understandable wanting some fresh food after living on a frozen mountain but over 50 pages of chocolates is simply insufferable.

      2. Why Red Moltite Rocks

      This is a whole book dedicated to a rock found in the Moltara caves. The book starts by encouraging you to fetch a lantern and visit the caves yourself. You know, see the wonder first hand and all that. The 278 other pages describe the particular shade of red that the rock sports. If you want an exhaustive list of synonyms for the words "red", "rock" and "beautiful", then this book would be a very practical buy. For those of us who have better things to do (placing garden gnomes, for instance) this book is an absolute waste of space.

      3. The Ummagine Juggler

      This is a book with how to juggle Ummagines. This might have been a great idea about 6 months ago when Ummagines were still on Illusen's list of "Food Fashion Don'ts". But as you may have read in her most recent circular, Ummagines were moved to the "Fall Food Trends for Fashionable Folk" list for this autumn. It would be a crime to juggle with them now! The best tip this book had to offered was that more you eat the less you have to juggle (there was a three page chart explaining this). Really, I want the 1,700 Neopoints I spend on this back. I could have bought 1700 actual Ummagines and been the most fashionable fall Neopian instead.

      With all this information, you should be fully armed and prepared for your next visit to the bookshop! If you don't like any of these suggestions, think of something that interests you and grab a book on that. Even the writing is terrible, at least you know the subject will be something you like. Happy reading!

 
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