Being Magma is a Superpower
"Being Magma is a superpower and we should have a celebratory day"
An interview with Dr. Magma.
After extensive interviews conducted over all of Neopia, a study by Dr. Merascilla Magma phD, has concluded that being magma is not a color, but a superpower. The author of this article has decided to point out, for the sake of accuracy, that Dr. Magma's title is self-appointed, and the phD part stands for "pretend honorary Doctor". That said, this was the interview:
I arrived to Dr. Magma's neohome. I sat on a partially burnt couch while she served me milk that was clearly cold until the point she grabbed the mug, when it suddenly started steaming. She handed me the hot milk, and we began.
"So, Dr. Magma, how many magma neopets have you interviewed?"
-Like, all of them, probably? I lost count after 40-
"Have you recorded your interviews, Dr.?"
-Like, in my mind? Yes, obviously.-
"... Not what I meant, but let's keep going. So, how did you come to the conclusion that magma is a superpower?"
-Well, for starters, how do pets turn magma? It's not about the neopoints so you can buy a paintbrush. It's about whether or not you're deemed worthy. Or, whether you find the guard asleep. But mostly about WORTHINESS. You see? If it was but a mere color, would you need to be qualified to be magma? Of course not, because it is not a mere color, it is a superpower.-
"But what powers does being magma give you?"
-Well, I eat raw food and it'll get cooked in my mouth. Magma pets don't even remember the flavor of raw food, because as soon as you bite it, your magma self cooks it instantly. Also, you burn things. Unintentionally, but still. You see, with great power comes great responsibility. So if you are magma, you have to be very, very responsible to not accidentally burn your neohome down. Or someone else's neohome.-
"None of that sounds to me like you are doing any superhero job, thou."
-... Is Neopia burning to the ground right now? Did your neohome burn down, by any chance? Controlling the fires is a big responsibility, and great hero work, if you ask me.-
"So, you are saying that, by NOT burning the whole place down, you are effectively saving us... from yourselves."
-Exactly! Now you've got it. You better show some gratitude. That's why I'm saying, we magmas deserve a celebratory day. We definitely do not receive enough gratitude for keeping Neopia safe all the time.-
"You mean safe from your own magma."
-YES, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND.-
"I'm going to be honest, this sounds like you are coercing a celebratory day under the threat of fire."
-Of course not. I'm just saying we deserve the gratitude for NOT threatening you all with fire. We are currently not obtaining anything for our astounding magma control. And we should. If we were villains, we would be just getting everything we want for free all the time. Can you imagine it? I would just walk up to Hubert at Hubert's Hotdogs and demand all of the hotdogs for free or else. And I don't do that. I interviewed lots of magma pets, and none of us have ever done that. We have the power, and we are using it for good. We only ever accidentally burn things, but never on purpose. That's got to count as something good.-
"And when you burn things accidentally, what kind of things have you burnt?"
-Well, in my case, I accidentally burnt the couch you're sitting in-
-From other pets, thou, I've heard all kinds of stories. From accidentally burning their own hair, to someone that wanted to sell decorative barrels for gardening, added something flammable to the construction process, and ended up with a bunch of Exploded Barrels. He sold them anyways, but still. That was totally not the idea.-
"That makes it sound like being magma is actually quite difficult"
-That's what I've been telling you! It's not easy, we deserve some recognition. You have to be on the lookout for every single flammable thing that you may be close to. You have to be extra careful with everything you do, everything you touch, everyone you interact with, so as not to make a disaster out of your (and everyone else's) entire life! So, we should define a day on the calendar to actually spread the awareness of how much we magmas do for our fellow neopians.-
"And what day do you propose for that?"
-I think the most logical thing would be to set it for the 16th of the month of Celebrating, since that's when the anniversary of the Magma Pool is. And it's not currently being celebrated, so we can do both on the same day. Start celebrating the anniversary of the Magma Pool, and the amazing work of magma neopets. We are in the month of Swimming. We still have Hiding, Gathering, Collecting and Storing before Celebrating. That's four months we have to convince neopians to add this celebration to the calendar! I think we can do it. I plan on spreading the word to all magma neopets, so we can make this change happen.-
"That sounds like a noble cause. Thank you so much for having me today, Dr. Magma."
-Oh, no, thank you for coming. I hope the Neopian Times readers agree with my message.-
"You've conveyed it wonderfully, I'd like to believe everyone will agree."
Dr. Magma walked me out of her neohome, and waved me goodbye, with a beaming smile. As I looked back, I realized the hem of her dress had caught on fire. She went back inside in a hurry, yelling something about water. As an interviewer and a journalist, I left feeling a whole new appreciation for magma neopets, and the difficulties they must overcome to interact normally with a Neopia constructed on a large percentage of flammable materials.