Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 195,291,400 Issue: 838 | 24th day of Hiding, Y20
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Florg: the Lonely Mutant Chia


by shresthi

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     Everyone has seen that big and scary mutant chia, known as Florg, at some point. He is famous for his insatiable appetite for delicious Petpets, and for occasionally bouncing Grundos off the Virtupets space station's walls. But, was he always like this? Was he always as scary and mean as he is today? The answer is no. It is all Dr. Sloth's fault. Florg was a nice chia like any other, afraid of Lupes and with a tendency to acquire fruity-ness through the consumption of icy treats. That was, until Dr. Sloth experimented on him, turning him into the Petpet eating mutant we have all come to know. But at heart, very deep inside that mutant chia exterior, is there any remnant of who he used te be? How lonely must it be, to become like that, and confine to your deepest subconscious all the cuddly nature you once had?

     Florg is, indeed, a very lonely chia. But he no longer has the ability to express so. His broken speech, a sequela of the experiments he was subjected to, does not allow for deep conversation, impeding him from communicating or even understanding his own feelings. He even refers to himself on the third person now, much like a baby Neopet whose brain is still on developmental stages. Maybe, just maybe, that's were his appetite for Petpets, the would-be companions for neopets all over Neopia, comes from. Maybe it is just the misguided result of his feelings of loneliness never put into words. Much like any other Neopet would eat icecream when they are sad, Florg eats companions to ease his loneliness. If only his intelligence hadn't been affected by the evil experiments of Dr. Sloth, maybe he'd be running a Petpet shop instead.

     But Florg would have to bounce the Petpet shopkeeper Grundo off the wall to be allowed to take over that job. And it's not even a good Petpet shop in Florg's eyes, because it is a robo-Petpet shop. Florg's favorite Petpets are Hasees and Kadoaties. The cuddly ones. Robo Petpets are not even edible. And Slorgs are yuck. Florg would prefer to run the Petpet shop in Neopia Central. Sadly, he can't. Dr. Sloth would never allow it. Even if he did, Florg would eat the whole stock of the shop anyway. And he would remain lonely.

     There has got to be a way for Florg to feel more fulfilled, more content. Florg bounces many Grundos, eats many Petpets, and the void inside remains... well, void. Florg thinks hard about it. So hard, his thinking cells hurt. Could there be a better way of making himself feel better? Inside his mind, and idea begins to form. A vision of himself, happily tending to a garden and enjoying a nice chia pop. But there is no way to get a garden at the Virtupets Space Station. Or chia pops. Another vision: Florg in the kitchen, making his own chia pops. Gargarox may actually appreciate him taking care of himself and his own feeding for once. Although he may not appreciate him messing with his kitchen. He may appreciate the chia pops, thou...

     With that though in mind, Florg set out to Gargarox's kitchen at the Grundos Cafe, hoping the big Grundo was out on a Gormball game or something. The big chia thought he was being stealthy and nobody had noticed him. He snuck into the kitchen and arrived feeling triumphant, oblivious to the confused Grundos outside, who were wondering what strange thing was Florg up to. Luckily for him, the kitchen was indeed, empty. He started to pick up every utensil on sight, trying to figure out how this cooking thing worked, and wondering what exactly did he need to do in order to create delicious chia pops. He then just shrugged, and decided to simply wing it. Oh, by Fyora's mercy, what that kitchen would be subjected to. Honestly, the curious crowd of Grundos outside by the tables did not dare to actually peek inside, even when they were all transfixed by the noises coming from the normally peaceful kitchen. Somehow sounded like Florg had decided to liquify the cutlery on the blender and hammer the oven into place with a mallet, all at the same time. No one will ever know what did actually happen at that kitchen, that afternoon. What everyone did know, however, was the end result of whatever Florg had done in there. Somehow, something he did actually worked. He came out of the kitchen with a triumphant grin and a platter of strange looking, badly wrapped, weird smelling handmade chia pops. Then he sat down at a table, and tasted his creation. The moment he closed his mouth around the icy treat, his face contorted on an expression never seen before by any Grundo or Dr. Sloth, ever. It was a big, bright smile, not of mischief, not of malevolence, but of happiness. The crowd of Grundos was now in awe, staring at this strange occurrence, this phenomenon outside of their wildest imagination, that someone could actually be truly happy at the Virtupets Space Station. Specially Florg. They all wanted to know so badly, what exactly did those chia pops contain to make THE Mutant Chia Florg smile like that. Even more surprisingly, and against everything they ever thought possible, THE Mutant Chia Florg stood up from his seat, and completely unprompted, decided to share his creations with the present Grundos.

     -"Florg make this. Grundo eat. Florg share"- He said. The Grundos were astonished. They took the treats and tried them. They were actually... regular. They didn't have a fantastic flavor as they had imagined, it was just regular. It was not even that good, and the flavor had a hint of engine oil. But Florg seemed to be so proud of himself for this achievement, they smiled as bright as him and congratulated him on his delicious cooking. It would have been a perfect moment, if not for the fact that, at that precise moment, no other than Gargarox decided to show up. Accompanied by the one and only Dr. Sloth. Florg had a feeling that he better get out of there. Quickly. He had barely made it around the corner and out of their view when the deep voices of both Gargarox and Dr. Sloth made the metal walls tremble with a very angry scream. Florg thought to himself, he should have cleaned up the kitchen before he sat down to eat. After making him come back and clean the mess he left, a meeting took place, and from that moment on, Virtupets policies on wandering Florgs changed entirely. He was to be confined permanently to the lab now, set into a schedule of Grundos providing Florg care 24/7, bringing him Petpets for three meals a day, and unable to get back into the Recreation Deck, or anywhere near the cafe, for that matter. Florg did not regret anything, thou. He seemed content with what he had discovered he could do, and sometimes would secretly daydream about running away from the Space Station, and setting up his own chia pop store one day, while Dr. Sloth's Grundo minions fed him more Petpets.

     The End.

 
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