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An Interview with Balthazar


by hottamale0774

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HAUNTED WOODS - I'm sure you know by now that a lot of pretty strange and sometimes ironic things can and will happen here in Neopia. But now we will present to you the most ironic of ironies. We head to the Haunted Woods where a once feared Neopian hides his face in shame. We are pursuing a Lupe. Not just any kind of Lupe, but a faerie one; the most girlish color in Neopia, (besides pink, of course.) Would you believe this Faerie Lupe used to catch faeries himself? Yes, Balthazar, the world-famous faerie catcher just happened to get hit by a Faerie Paint Brush somebody was throwing while stalking a faerie next to the Rainbow Pool. We have now found him and approached him, pen and paper in hand.

Tamale: *Snickers.* Balthazar you look so *snickers* pretty.

Balthazar: Thanks, I'll take that as an insult.*glares*

Seduphe: So, how do you feel about what has happened?

Balthazar: How do you think I feel? This is horrible!

Tamale: Waiting for Fyora to give you access to Faerieland? *Snickers again.*

Balthazar: You think you're pretty funny, huh? Keep it up and I might eat you!

Tamale: So how did this happen?

Balthazar: I was in heated pursuit of one particular Dark Faerie, and let me tell you, none of my tactics would work. I chased it far into Neopia Central, then almost got it when somebody threw a Faerie Paint Brush towards the Rainbow Pool. The Brush hit me, and the it fell into the Rainbow Pool, as did I. The next thing I knew, I'm a hideous Faerie Lupe.

Seduphe: I already noticed you aren't exactly a pretty Faerie Lupe.

Balthazar: *Whacks Seduphe with paw* The color's hideous, not me!

Tamale: So if I paint myself with a green paint brush... sorry, anyway how do you feel faerie?

Seduphe: And paint brushes don't work on humans for some reason anyways, I don't know why, though.

Balthazar: Didn't I already answer that question?

Seduphe: Uh...yeah, I think you might have... so, have you found this to help you catch faeries? With the wings, and all?

Balthazar: I suppose, I've really been to upset to try catching faeries again.

Tamale: Do the faeries keep thinking you're their own kind?

Tamale: Have you tried to go in public yet?

Balthazar: Are you kidding? It's bad enough I had to sneak out of Neopia Central.

Tamale: So that was what the mob was about?

Seduphe: Mob?

Balthazar: I guess, I never took notice.

Tamale: (To Seduphe) you were too busy sleeping to notice it.

(To Balthazar) So, what color would you say those wings are?

Balthazar: What do you mean?

Seduphe: Wait, sleeping? When was I sleeping?

Tamale: What color are your wings? See, what color blue you see in your wings shows your personality. *Puts away Psychology for Dummies.

Seduphe, um at that time in that place, yeah.

Seduphe: Right....

Balthazar: What's going on here?

Tamale: Hey, Balthazar, did you know this is going to be in the Neopian Times. You're going to be a star!

Balthazar: So?

Tamale: Doesn't that excite you?

Balthazar: *stares at Tamale for a short while then laughs hysterically*

Seduphe: Uhh... I don't think she meant that as a joke...

Tamale: You don't have to be rude about it!

Seduphe: Yeah, That's what I was thinking.

Balthazar: Sorry. No offense intended.

Seduphe: So, how old are you, exactly?

Balthazar: Why?

Seduphe: I...uh, well...

Tamale: Seduphe, that question was also very rude! You don't ask people how old they are!

Seduphe: Was it?

Balthazar: Who cares?

Seduphe: I would have assumed you would have... So, if you could have been turned into any other color besides Faerie, what would it be?

Balthazar: Don't you mean "colour"?

Seduphe: What? Isn't that what I said?

Balthazar: No, you said "color".

Seduphe: Will you just answer the question?

Balthazar: I'd prefer to be Invisible, easier to sneak up on things that way, of course...

Tamale: If you were painted invisible no one could see you!

Balthazar: Exactly.

Tamale: You know, that made perfect sense.

Balthazar: Of course it did.

Tamale: What do you like to do on weekends?

Balthazar: What do you think I do?

Tamale: Is that a trick question?

Balthazar: No.

Tamale: Play tennis?

Balthazar: Of course not!

Seduphe: Hang out with other Lupes?

Balthazar: *growls* Catch Faeries! Isn't it obvious?!

Tamale: How do you do that now, when you are a faerie?

Balthazar: I thought I already told you, I haven't tried it yet!

Tamale: Maybe you did *thinks.*

Balthazar: Of course I did!*growls*

Seduphe: So, Balthazar....is there anything you like about being Faerie?

Balthazar: *growls*

Seduphe: Really?

Balthazar: *growls*

Tamale: Is that a maybe?

Balthazar: *growls*

Seduphe: I don't think so...

Balthazar: *growls*

Seduphe: I think we should get out of here...

And so, with a little inspiration from Balthazar we ran off. We are now sitting in a hole in the ground in the outskirts of the Haunted Woods, jumping at every little noise, thinking it is Balthazar out to get us. But, the interview was successful and that’s all that counts, right? For our sake, we hope Balthazar gets painted blue again! As we sat in the hole, we started having an interesting conversation...

Seduphe: Wait, Blue? I thought he was Halloween or Mutant.

Tamale: No he's blue! Halloween Lupe's are Werelupes and mutants just don't look like him.

Seduphe: Okay, whatever. I still say he looks like a Halloween Lupe, though.

Tamale: *Crosses arms stubbornly.* He's blue!

Seduphe: Okay, okay, so he's blue then...

Tamale: Naw, he's red.

Seduphe: What?! You just said he was Blue! Is he Blue, or is he Red?

Tamale: *Starts laughing* It's fun to make you confused, Seduphe.

Seduphe: Thank you! I mean, hey, what's that supposed to mean?

Tamale: Um, it means, wait give me a second *thinks.* No idea.

Seduphe: Oh, whatever then... Wait, are you sure? I think you might have insulted me...

Tamale: I'm pretty positive I didn't.

Seduphe: *Hits Tamale on the head.* I will now finish this odd interview normally, if that is possible...

Hopefully we didn't bore anybody reading this. If we did the pillows are complementary. Whatever I meant by that. Wait, I didn't write that, did I? Maybe I did. Which one of us is talking, anyways?

 
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