Shades of Grey
I stared into the Kougra's sad golden eyes, disbelieving.
What was I to do? Me, a simple red Shoyru. How could I do anything to help...?
Who would've even thought the world could be so cruel?
Sky was a beautiful Kougra, with eyes of shimmering
gold. She had a sweet disposition and an angel's sweet smile. But she was crippled
in one way. Those beautiful eyes... were color blind. To her, the world was
only different shades of grey. In the harsh world of reality, those who are
different do not survive for long. They are an outcast, a stranger, someone
that isn't wanted around. She was shunned because the world did not know how
to receive her, because she was different, and therefore inferior, because she
was too much trouble to bother with. Who would, with a cripple? She became part
of the background, ignored, a fly in a room, hardly registering into other's
minds, and when she did, was considered a nuisance. She was a trampled blade
of grass, torn and broken, in the wide meadow, insignificant. Tossed by the
wind... lost forever. When she told us this... If only it could've been different.
But it can't. It will never be. So, instead, forever, I will remember. Forever,
will I regret. For her.
"Sky, see, this is red, and orange, yellow, and
green, blue, and purple!" The Kougra's mother smiled and pointed to each of
the colors in turn. "Here, I'll repeat them for you, and then I'll mix them
up and you can try and say the colors, okay?" The little Kougra nodded and stared
down at the colored cards. They looked like... grey. Nothing but different shades
of it. How was she supposed to remember which was which?
No matter how many times her mother went through
the cards, she could not get them right. Still she remembered... other things...
doors slammed... frustration... scorn. Those disgusted glares from both younger
and older siblings. Her mother crying, the shouts of her father. People, complete
strangers, talking... "Don't teach that dummy anymore! She's too stupid to understand!"
"It's a waste of time, Sky will never learn." And... pity... That feeling a
person gets when they see someone in less of a good situation... when they see
someone... inferior to them... They look at you with what they think are kind
smiles, but you know better. It is only pity. Only pity. Maybe, that
is why we do not like to receive it.
She spent sleepless nights, worrying. Terrified.
It seemed like everyone was out of sorts because of her... because of something
that wasn't her fault... So young, surrounded by family, yet more alone than
if she was lost in the wide, pathless world.
Sky was sent to an orphanage, all those bleak,
sad pets. She remembered it clearly; her mother had refused to come, bitterly
pleading with her father. Sky had found a picture and a note on her table...
She still had them. Just a slip of paper, yet they were worth more than the
world. Her father dragging her, still too shocked to do anything, to the caged
place called an orphanage. The cage's door slammed. Locked out from the world.
Screaming, hysterical. A Lupe next to her stared bleakly at the door, all hope
gone from her eyes. Experience now... the feel of abandonment. On her right
a Shoyru glared at her. "Cut it out!" he hissed. "You are ruining my sleep."
A week... a month... a year spent in this dismal place. Still she was locked
in that, cruel building. The pets there hid their frustration and terror, masking
them in bullying, taunting. Those cruel smirks, those feelingless remarks. Others
wore a still mask, dead, oblivious to the world, their eyes... dull, their movements
sluggish... as if their paws, their ears, their heads, were too heavy for them
to pick up. There was no kindness lost between the pets. Destroyer of life...
If you entered as a good person, caring, with
a sweet smile, innocent, you left, if ever you did leave, amoral, caring about
no one but yourself, struggling to live, desperate to survive another day. And
when you did... you found out... there was nothing to live for. Already broken...
Some found the desire through revenge... but that is not the best way... for
it breaks you yet again. Shattered... glass.
Finally, she escaped, torn and broken. As easy
as thin glass breaks when it falls. It was dreamlike... no... a living nightmare.
A nightmare where you could not escape, could not wake up. Surreal like. Sky
could not remember how. Her golden eyes had lost their luster; she was reduced
to a feral beast, trying, so hard, to stay alive. She had begun to wonder, which
was better, imprisonment or freedom? At least she had been fed in the orphanage...
When alone, there is no enemy except yourself. With others, it seems like the
whole world is against you. After, you just are not the same. You just cannot
live as you once had. Forever, you are changed, for better... or, usually, for
worse. We found her, cast out, muddy and more than half starving, barely a strand
of sense left in her head. Fear emanated from those golden eyes, growling out
It took a year for her to get used to us. Those
eyes... radiating distrust. It took another for her to talk. It took four in
total, four whole years, before she would tell us her story. Why she was so
afraid, so... broken. And after, you just forget. You forget you were ever there,
ever lost and alone in the world, and you want to forget... And you turn
into someone else... Someone who pities, who does not care. We tend to
go into extremes, unable to live a moderate, neutral life. We turn into a "normal"
person, same as everyone else in their selfishness, or we turn into someone
"different", a kind hearted soul in the world, placing your mark in the earth,
saying, "I know, I feel with you. And I will help you." People themselves are
an abstract concept. You are horrified of what has happened in history, but
all you do is repeat it again. You argue, "But it's not the same thing!" But
it is... and you well know it.
Now that the secret is out, I think... it might
just have been better if I didn't know at all, couldn't experience with her
the pain, the hurt of abandonment. But if I didn't know... what would the world
be, then? What would people know about... those less fortunate than themselves?
As if the world was ruled by luck... Why do they find sport in watching a fight...
a fight to the death? What has the world become? How cruel the world was to
her, a little innocent Kougra... just because, for her, the wide sky... is not
What do you see when you gaze at the sky?
Why is it that you smile at the sunset?
What are the rainbow's crystal clear colors?
What is the grass that waves in the wind?
What makes you stare at the flickering fire,
Is there a mystery that I cannot see?
What is it that makes you long for the ocean?
After all... they are only black and white...
Tell me... for I can not see them. I cannot fathom,
What colors mean to you.
Author's Note: Okay, so color blindness isn't seeing shades of grey. But
we all have an imagination, don't we? XP And maybe the world doesn't do this
to color blind people, but there are certainly other things. We all like to
pretend that the world is kind, that good prevails simply because it IS good.
Well, that's not true. That is certainly, not, true...
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smiled. She didn't know the real reason why Rika liked coming to school early
these days, and stuck with the idea that her daughter spent the extra time at
school in the morning studying.