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When I was born, I was unlike the others. I was mainly black, but my hooves were white, as was my mane and tail and my eyes were mahogany, not crimson. The herd was disgusted, for never before had any other colour, or shade of colour, marred their pure black coats.
When no stallion stepped forward to claim I carried his blood, they suspected that my mother had met a stallion outside of the herd – One of the highest forms of treason. But when one stallion stepped up and proclaimed that why would a stallion wish to claim a deformed foal as theirs, they believed I was simply deformed and for a while they considered disposing of me, for that is what they did to deformed foals.
But my mother pleaded with them, saying she could not remember who was my father but she would never be disloyal to the herd and urged them to let her keep me for I was her first foal. The lead stallion grudgingly agreed, but I was not to be taught the secrets and ways of the herd. I've grown up believing it was better to not know what horrible secrets they know.
I was an outcast in my herd. None of the other foals dared to come near me, so I had no friends. At first, I was upset and embarrassed to be the one everyone whispered about as I walked past, but over time I learned to accept the whispers, and to accept that I was just the deformed filly that nobody liked.
As I grew up, I started growing whiter. I woke up one morning to find faint white spots under my eyes and on my rump. I was horrified, and hoped no one noticed. But when the white started creeping up my legs, everyone noticed.
My mother was quite unlike the rest. While they were violent, she was kind and gentle. She kept me out of sight a lot, often taking long walks or flights with me. I sensed that she felt sorry for me, and when she looked at me I was see a strange emotion. Self blame, as if she blamed herself for my colouring. Yet when I was with her, she said nothing of the herd and only asked me if I thought that was a pretty flower, or a strange formation of clouds.
Upon my forehead, a small moon appeared where a horn usually would be. The herd was outraged, and my mother was often called to lead stallion for a meeting in which he demanded to know why I was the way I was. Each time, my mother simply answered she did not know why and, much to my outrage, blamed the fault on herself.
One day, my mother was called away at dusk. Another meeting I was not privy to, so I went off on my own to stargaze in a small field, far from the herd.
It was not long before I heard a scream of outrage. This startled me and I dashed back to the herd, finding no one. After a short battle with my thoughts, I moved quietly towards where I knew were the meeting was and hid in the bushes. There, I saw the whole herd. They had formed a tight circle around my mother and the lead stallion. What I saw and heard after that shocked me.
You lied, mare. You disgrace us, lowering yourself to no more then dirt!" It was the lead stallion was in a rage as such as I'd never seen before. My mother stood cowering before him, terrified.
It was a mistake. I didn't mean for it to happen." She whispered and all was deadly silent. And then my mother did a strange thing. She lifted her head to stare at the stars and sighed. "I'm sorry, Zhanjii." The lead stallion looked affronted, and he reared, striking her. Again and again, he reared and struck her with his hooves until she collapsed and didn't move again.
I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. I fought a mad urge to race out towards my mother and protect her. Before I knew what I was doing, I was halfway out of the bushes. It was a few seconds after before someone realised I was there. I stood frozen, staring up at the Pegasi before me.
The herd quickly moved around me, forming the circle. I looked around, trying to find a weak spot in the circle and when I found none, a sob escaped my lips.
The lead stallion towered over me. I cowered like my mother. At this thought, I willed myself not to look at her lifeless body. He looked down at me with narrowed crimson eyes. He did not speak, and his eyes never showed any remorse as he struck me. I fell, just as my mother had, and as I did I felt a horrendous pain in my back. A scream burst forth from my lips and I fell into blackness, my last vision that of glowering crimson eyes, filled with hate.
I awoke, sometime later. The night was clear and cold; fog had rolled in and covered my body. Winter is near, my mind thought incredulously. I lay where I had fallen, trying to decide if I still lived or not. The pain in my back told me I did, whereas my mind told me I was dead.
I do not know how long I lay there in the cold fog, but after a while I noticed that the moon had started to descend towards the horizon. I slowly got up, wincing at the pain. I did not need to look around to know that my wings were gone. I tried walking, but I collapsed and ended up dragging myself through the fog towards where I knew my mother's half frozen body lay. I reached her and sobbed.
I looked up at dawn, watching its colours bless a greyscale world. I stood, this time my legs carried my body, and I walked away from my life.
Over time, I healed in both spirit and body and I set out to find the one stallion I could blame for this. My father.
My mother had never spoken to me about him, and I simply never asked, for I always believed that he was somewhere in the herd. But, as my mother spoke the name, I knew it was he. And I had to find him.
I do not recall how long I travelled for. Days and nights merged, and it simply became a time where I walked, ate, and then walked some more. Something deep inside drove me on, towards a place I did not know.
I came to a forest one day. Looking back, I guess I can say that it was beautiful, but at that moment in time I did not care. I went deeper and deeper into the forest and finally came across a meadow and a herd of Unicorns. I lurked at edges of the forest, watching them silently for a time. There was one stallion that caught my attention. He was tall and white, with a silver mane and tail. By the way the other unicorns respected this stallion, I could tell he was their leader.
It was the next morning before someone noticed me. It was that stallion, in fact. It was dawn, and most of the herd were still asleep. I was lying at the base of an immense tree, half asleep, when I heard the sound of someone approaching. I scrambled to my hooves, watching as the stallion halted before me. He smiled at me, his eyes amused.
I noticed you last night. I was wondering if you'd ever come and announce yourself." He said.
I stood watching him silently. He watched me for a while too, before turning and walking away from the meadow and me. He then glanced at me over his shoulder and I knew I should follow him.
He led me to a smaller meadow. Here, he turned to stare at me again. "So. May I ask why you've come here?"
I paused. "I'm looking for someone." My voice was faint with disuse.
Who may that be?" He asked, tilting his head slightly.
I stared at him for a moment. "My father."
What is his name?"
Zhanjii."
His gaze and voice faltered at this. He stared at me critically. "Ah." He drew the word out in acknowledgement. "I wondered, nay, I had an inkling of this. Your mother? Keliser, correct?"
I nodded, dumbstruck.
He nodded slowly. "Your father.. He meant you no harm. You mother came here, gravely injured. She would not speak to him, but she allowed him to heal her. She stayed for many months, falling in love with your father. And then, one day, she was gone." His voice faltered again.
I stared at him. "You know my father?"
Yes. I guess you can say I am your father."
I don't know what I felt. Shocked, angry, hurt. But once he explained things fully, despite my emotions, I saw things his way.
One day, I went to the herd to find Zhanjii gone. Asking around, I found out that he had gone to find a mare. I knew no such mare, but I followed him anyway.
At first, he objected to my following him. But sensing how stubborn I was, he relented. We travelled mostly in silence. One day, we came upon another forest bordering a vast meadow. It was larger then Zhanjii's herdlands, and there were more Unis.
We parted way at the forest. My father told me that I'd be safe, that I should go speak to the lead mare but mention nothing of him. And that I did. Nalantii kindly allowed me to stay, even though I said I did not wish to belong to a herd. She asked me why, and I told her simply that my past was not all great.
After I had grown accustomed to the herdlands, my father came back. He seemed weary. We did not speak during the first week he arrived, but one day he turned to me and said, "You are not my only child." I do not know what he felt when he told me this, but he left me reeling in my shock to turn and disappear into the forest.
I followed him, asking him to tell me the name of my sibling, but he remained silent. My anger simmered beneath my surface and when he suddenly halted, he turned to look at my sorrowfully. But before he could say anything, a mare appeared and walked towards us. I looked up and stood, shocked to see Nalantii. Even more shocked to see how shocked she was.
Nal.." My father started, but Nalantii cut him off.
Why are you here?" She asked him, glancing at me.
Zhanjii was quiet for a time, before he sighed deeply. "Nal, do you remember how I told you about Keliser?" He asked softly. Nal nodded slowly. "Well, this is Keliser's daughter.. Your sister."
I took a few steps back, looking frantically from Nal and Zhanjii. Nal stared Zhanjii for a moment, before looking at me, a rueful smile crossing her muzzle
I've seen you before.. Long before you came to the herd. I didn't remember until now.." She paused. "So. You're my sister."
I stayed with Nal and her herd. My father disappeared again, and I must say that when he first left I didn't feel upset at his departure, for I was angry with him. But, now, I'm do wish to see him again.
I've become great friends with Nal. I can talk to her more freely then I ever have before. I am envious of her, though. She leads a great life with Taane and the herd. She knows that I feel this way, but it does not bother her much and tell me simply that she went through a lot of hardships to get all this, and so I shouldn't be envious of her life until I know the full extent of mine.
Cal is San's son. Upon meeting him, I simply saw him as a colt and nothing more. But now, I've come to value Cal as much as San. He's gone through a lot in his short life, and I wish him well for the rest of it.
Denaheii.. How can I speak of such a strange stallion? Our meeting was not.. enjoyable, for his only intent was to rip me from my life for his own need. But, something stopped him and we talked. The more we talked, the less I feared him, for I saw past his dangerous exterior and found a gentle and wise stallion, full of hurt.
It may seem strange, but I'm drawn to this lonely stallion, and even stranger, I wish to continue this friendship.
Dislikes
-Love
-Being alone
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