For some really pathetic, stupid, unworthy screenies Click HERE! By the way their MINE! I'm not making fun of some random person's screenies! That's just MEAN!


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Pirate_Gurl_QT's school for n00bs!

This is NOT meant to be offensive! It is meant to be funny, and maybe help some people as well!


Hello! I am Pirate_Gurl_Qt, and you have stumbled across my school for n00bs! Now you may be here because you are an actual n00b, and you have come here for help. If you are are a n00b, I would like to congratulate you! Realizing your problem is the first step to recovery. Now to those of you who are NOT n00bs, and are just here for a good laugh, that is fine too! So please, sit back and relax, as I begin the lesson. NOT THAT RELAXED! We are LEARNING you know!


Lesson 1: Scams

Now it seems that the most common problem on the boards is scams. People post about lending really expensive items for low collateral. Then when you click on the board you see all these people asking to borrow it. The way to avoid this? Simply remember these words of wisdom: NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD LEND AN EXPENSIVE ITEM FOR TINY AMOUNTS OF NEOPOINTS! In fact we'll make this a rule. And we'll give it a catchy, ruley name! NITRMWLAEIFTAON. Nobody In Their Right Mind Would Lend An Expensive Item For Tiny Amounts Of Neopoints. Next we will see two scenarios. One using NITRMWLAEIFTAON and the other not! Now playing the part of the n00b in these scenarios is my good friend.... Bob.


Scenario 1: (Without NITRMWLAEIFTAON)

Bob: [logs onto Neopets] [does the free daily games and heads to the neoboards]

(Bob sees a post on the board.(Bet you didn't see THAT coming))

LENDING FQD FOR 100K COLLATERAL! Evil_Scammer_Person 0 Posts

Last Post: 5:45 PM
Evil_Scammer_Person

I am NOT a n00b!

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		Post here if you want to borrow it! :)


Bob: What's a FQD?

I'm glad you asked Bob! For those of you who don't know, FQD stands for Faerie Queen Doll. It can be used to get the Faerie Queen Doll avvie!

Bob: Isn't 100K a lot to ask?

Not at all! They usually go for one million!

Bob: Oh! [types a response]

Little Kiddies Watching At Home: NO BOB! NOOOO!

(Bob hits send...)

People watching in a diner: [while drying a dish] [sniff] He never stood a chance...

Bob_The_Builder

n00b

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		Can I borrow it? Please?


Evil_Scammer_Person

I am NOT a n00b!

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		SURE! :) Buy something that costs 99,999 neopoints in my shop and I'll give it to you!

Hey! Our avvies are the same! lol!


(Bob buys something from Evil_Scammer_Person's shop.)

Bob_The_Builder

n00b

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		Ok, I bought something from your shop! You can give me the FQD now!


Bob_The_Builder

n00b

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		Hey are you still there?


Bob_The_Builder

n00b

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		HEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOO?! Where's the FQD?


Bob_The_Builder

n00b

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		Did your computer crash or something? Where are you?


Bob: OH NO! I'VE BEEN SCAMMED! [runs off crying]

(Five minutes later.)

I WAS SCAMMED! *cry* *cry* Bob_The_Builder 0 Posts

Last Post: 6:00 PM
Bob_The_Builder

n00b

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		Evil_Scammer_Person scammed me!


The End

Tsk! Tsk! Poor Bob! Let's try that again, shall we? Same as last time, except using NITRMWLAEIFTAON!

Bob: EXACTLY the same?

Yes! But remember NITRMWLAEIFTAON!

Scenario 2 (with NITRMWLAEIFTAON)

Bob: [logs onto Neopets] [does the free daily games and heads to the neoboards]

(Bob sees a post on the board.)

LENDING FQD FOR 100K COLLATERAL! Evil_Scammer_Person 0 Posts

Last Post: 5:45 PM
Evil_Scammer_Person

I am NOT a n00b!

Insert ugly default avvie here... 		Post here if you want to borrow it! :)


Bob: What's a FQD?

Ok, not EXACTLY the same!

Bob: Hmmm... How should I handle this? Is there a rule I can use to help me? Lesse... Say no to drugs... Always wash your hands before you eat...

Little kiddies watching at home: NITRMWLAEIFTAON! NITRMWLAEIFTAON! NITRMWLAEIFTAON!

Bob: O_o How are they able to say that?

Oh now come on! I think it's a cool name!

Bob: -_- No it's not...

(He's right you know...)

[Yeah, really!]

*sigh* No one appreciates art these days...

(Bob DOES NOT make a post!)

YAY FOR BOB! Thank you for your time! You may leave now!

Bob: [waves] Bye, now! [disappears in a puff of smoke]


Lesson 2: SPAM Notice how it's kinda like Lesson 1? Except this is SPAM (Stupid, Pointless, Annoying Messages) not scam. Her are some tips to keep you from spamming and being a general nuisance on the boards:




I would like you to meet a friend of mine. Her name is Carrie, but everyone calls her Capital Carrie.

(Capital Carrie enters.)

Capital Carrie: HELLO EVERYONE! NICE TO MEET YOU!

Unfortunately Carrie posted in caps on the board so much that she can only speak in caps now. It makes her very loud.

Capital Carrie: YES! IT IS VERY TRAGIC! MOST PEOPLE I TALK TO GET HEADACHES! I'M NOT GIVING YOU A HEADACHE AM I? NO? GOOD! YOU KNOW THERE IS ONE GOOD THING ABOUT THIS! YOU SEE I WORK AT MC DONALDS ON THAT LITTLE DRIVE-THRU SPEAKER THINGY! EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME! PEOPLE DRIVE FOR MILES JUST TO COME TO OUR MC DONALDS!

Um... You're supposed to make talking in capitals seem like a BAD thing.

Capital Carrie: I GET A RAISE EVERY WEEK! IT'S FANTASTIC!

OK! Thank you Capital Carrie. But unfortunately she really has to leave now!

Capital Carrie: NO I DON'T!

(Capital Carrie suddenly disappears in a puff of smoke.)

Heheh. She's crazy. All those capitals have gone to her head. Poor thing.


  • D0n't use 4n 3xc3ssive 4m0unt 0f #s 1n y0ur p0st!!11!1!(Translation: Don't use an excessive amount of numbers in your post.) It is IRRITATING!


    • Which means I have another friend I'd like to introduce to you. Meet Number Nathan!

    (Number Nathan enters.)

    Number Nathan: Hello! Hi. Hi. Yes, hello. Nice to meet ya!

    (He seems normal.)

    [Yeah, you're encouraging number speak!]

    *smirk* Watch this. Nathan, what's 4†4?

    Number Nathan: 4 † 4? A † A? Two As? Double A!! DOUBLE A BATTERIES! HAHAHAHA! I SOLVED THE PUZZLE! I AM THE PUZZLE KING! w00000000000t!

    (Nathan disappears in a puff of smoke.)


  • Try to keep from using chatspeak. It is extremely annoying to keep reading: OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Lyk, I can use ch@speak! lololololol! Can sum1 lyk, teach me to type? lol! It doesn't take that much longer to type it out normally. About lol: It is fine every ONCE in a while, but don't use it after every word or sentance. About abreviations such as g2g, brb, and OMG: They are fine, just don't overuse them.


    • Which bring me to introduce you to a ...er... an acquaintance of mine. LOL Lucy.

    (Lucy enters.)

    Now nobody wants to be friends with Lucy because she is so ANNOYING!

    LOL Lucy: y r u so mean? lol. It's not nice. lol.

    See what I mean?

    (Lucy disappears in a puff of smoke.)


  • Dont go into bumping spasms! A bump every few minutes or so is fine, but don't do it every ten seconds.


    • (Some guy enters.)

    This is Bump-A-Lot Bill. He's insane.

    Bump-A-Lot Bill: I -bump- am NOT -bump- insane! -bump bump bump- I am perfectly -bumpity bump- normal! -bump- HMPH! -bump- I -bump- won't stand -bump- for another second -bump- of this -bumpy- ridicule!

    (Bill storms out.... -bump-)

    Hm... Finally someone I didn't have to get rid of myself!


  • Use proper spelling and grammar to the best of your ability. If you type dictionery, that's fine, since people can still tell what your talking about, but I highly doubt anyone's going to know what a dishoonree is.


    • And our subject for this rule is Gramatically Challenged Gertrude!

    (Gramatically Challenged Gertrude enters.)

    Gertrude: hI everywon. To be here today it is great. Yoo sea I never was learned proper grammer and-

    And if I listen to you another second I think my head might explode!

    (Gertrude disappears in a puff of smoke.)


    Lesson 3: Posting

    Some tips on creating boards.
  • Stay on topic! Off-topic posts are not only annoying but they are a good way to get reported.


    • *sniff* *sob* *sob* *cry* My friend Allan was the perfect example. But he's... he's... GONE!
    Annoying_Allan

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		HAHA! I can touch my tongue to my nose! See? *touches tongue to nose* I'm so amazing!
    N00b_Hater

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		.....*whacks with hammer* HAHA! 16 NOW!
    ------------------
    ____
    ()____)
    |
    |
    n00bs whacked: 15


    *sob* If you see one of those hammers RUN AWAY! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!


  • Don't ask for charity. Other people worked hard for their neopoints and items. There are games on this site for a reason. Take advantage of it.


    • Let's see what happens when someone begs for neopoints! *starts timer*

    Ima_Begger

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		Hi. I am very poor. Can you buy an overly priced item from my shop so I can be rich? Please? I'm very poor!
    I_luv_my_NP

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		Ummm....NO!
    I_Will_Report_U

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		REPORTED! HA!
    Reporting_Is_My_Hobby

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		Reported.
    Ima_Begger

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		What? NOOOOO!
    Mr.eporter

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		*reports*
    Report309

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		I am reporting you.


    *stops timer* TWO MINUTES! Wow! That's gotta be a record!


  • If there are already several boards on a certain topic do not start one of your own, just read one of the already existing ones.


    • Lesson 4: Regarding Famous Peoples

    I'm sure you are aware there are famous people on neopets. No not actors or anything, but normal people with famous accounts. Now starting lies, or rumors, or I love you Mr. Famous Neopets Person, is not only annoying to them, but to regular players as well. If you do not like them being famous then keep in mind that saying so, only makes them more famous, as it adds to the list of boards about them.

    Watch this! It's MAGIC!

    I_Hate_Famous_Persons

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		I HATE Mr_Famous_Dude! He thisnks he's soooooo great just because he *insert reason for being famous here*! I wish he would just get over himself!
    Monkey_See_Monkey_Do

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		Yeah, reallY! And all those people who are all obsessed with him! *insert relly mean and hateful things here*
    I_Luv_Mr_Famous_Dude

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		You're all just jealous! Mr_Famous_Dude is the coolest person ever and you know it!
    I_Hate_Famous_Persons

    Insert Random Avatar here...     		Me? Jelous? (<--Notice mispelling of the word jealous) Riiiiight...


    TADA! Mr_Famous_Dude is now .1% more famous then he was five minutes ago! *gasp* And considering how many topics like this are created a day, in a week he'll have enough power to take over neopets! And then THE ENTIRE WORLD!

    Lesson 5: Tips For N00bs


    Abreviations:

    MSPP- Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie (TCG). It is used to get the Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie avvie!

    FQD- Faerie Queen Doll. It is used to get the Faerie Queen Doll avvie.

    CTTM- Coolness To The Max (I wish I coul be CTTM... :()

    SDB- Safety Deposit Box

    Screenie- Short term for screenshot

    Questions

    What does avvie mean? Avvie means avatar. It's not much shorter it's just fun to say!

    How do you make an avatar? Avatars cannot be made, they have to be earned.

    Alright then, how do you EARN avatars? There are many ways to earn avatars. Some you get by playing games, others you get for having certain item.

    What is n00b? Is it like a newbie? A n00b is actually DIFFERENT from a newbie, because not all n00bs are new to neopets. A n00b is the word used when someone doesn't know something others think they should. A n00b can also be those people you see creating all those annoying topics.

    I GOT CALLED A N00B! What should I do? HOW CAN I GO ON LIVING? Relax. Breathe. Take a deep breath and count to ten. Being called a n00b isn't actually that big of a deal. I'm sure just about everyone on neopets has been called n00b one time or another.

    General Tips
    N00b Named Sally: Well... I was asking what an avatar was and this guy, came to the board and he calld me a- a- a- A N00B!

    N00b Named Greg: Same thing happened to me, except I was asking to borrow an FQD for 1k collateral.

    N00b Named Cindy: We've all been called n00bs before. That's why we're here right?

    *listening to walkman* Lalala! La! Something! Hummmm! Lalala! Oh, um, what?

    (Five weeks later) Ok! We say the pledge! Raise your right hand.

    Everyone: I am a normal neopets player. Not a mindless n00b. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.

    Greg: Fish are friends! Not food.

    Ok! Who would like to go first?

    Sally: OH! ME! ME! [stands] Hi, I'm Sally!

    Everyone: Hello Sally!

    Saly: Yes, hi! I have not been called a n00b in ten days!

    Everyone: [applauds]

    Know something that should be on here, but isn't? Neomail Pirate_gurl_QT. Send me feedback! I like feedback!

    I may be making a Pirate_Gurl_QT's school for NON-n00bs: A Guide With Tips and Tricks for Dealing With N00bs in the near future! Should I, or shouldn't I? Neomail me with your opinion!


    LINK TO ME! Wanna link to me? Copy and paste the code below.
    -blocked- -blocked-



    (UNDER CONSTRUCTION!)





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