Shark Tank *

Application Advice and Critiques by Ben and Dorothy

our mission.

The purpose of Shark Tank is to provide in-depth reviews and constructive criticism for pet applications. We want to make sure that the apps sent in for UFA pets are high quality and won't be skipped over by a foster for simple mistakes that could've been prevented.

Due to the lack of petpage-based app critiquing sites, the users Ben and Dorothy teamed up to help out the Pound Chat and its applicants. Board critiques aren't always as thorough as can be, so Shark Tank is here to make up for that.

sitely.

Shark Tank is an application critiquing service sponsored by The Applicant's Handbook. If you need application help, be sure to check it out!



rules and guidelines.

Please read these terms carefully so that our service can progress as smoothly as possible.

  1. We reserve the right to refuse service to any user we choose.
  2. Our service offers constructive criticism. We are honest and want to help you; please don't take offense to what we have to say.
  3. Please give us a couple of days to look at your application. We'll neomail you when we're finished with your critique.
  4. We don't condone any sort of theft. We will report all stolen apps to both TNT and your foster without hesitation.
  5. All Shark Tank critiques end with being Shark Approved or Not Shark Approved. Being Shark Approved simply means that we have no other advice to give you. Only apps that are Not Shark Approved can ask for another critique for that specific app. Don't use our seal of approval as a letter of recommendation in your application.

Lastly, Shark Tank is not responsible for the outcome of your application. Please do not blame Shark Tank if you don't adopt the pet you apply for. This is an application critique service that offers advice and opinions on your application based on our experiences and preferences. We are only here to help you - we cannot guarantee anything.

critique packages.

Sharkbait

Nurse

Tiger

Hammerhead

SHARKBAIT. This package is a basic service that reviews your accounts and lets you know if it's application-ready. Simple app questions can also be asked in this package. This service does not require a completed application. (Unlimited. Takes approximately 1 day to complete.)

NURSE SHARK. This package offers a standard critique that overviews the first impression of your application, helps you improve on layout design, and points out easy fixes. Your application will be skimmed but not fully read. This service requires at least 75% of the application to be completed. (5 max in queue at a time. Takes approximately 1-3 days to complete.)

TIGER SHARK. This package offers a detailed critique of your application, which includes first impressions, layout suggestions, content revision, etc. Your application will be fully read. This service requires a near-complete or completed application. (5 max in queue at a time. Takes approximately 2-4 days to complete.)

HAMMERHEAD SHARK. This package offers a complete review of your application and accounts. It includes first impressions, layout suggestions, content revision, an account check, etc. This service requires a near-complete or completed application. (5 max in queue at a time. Takes approximately 2-4 days to complete.)

Ready to submit your application for review? Send Dorothy a neomail with the package you want to get your app in queue.

queue.

  1. taylor_n_fiona - /~sesc (HAMMERHEAD)
  2. lavendermorning - /~corelene (HAMMERHEAD)
  3. lemonade_mouths - /~Rexorane (HAMMERHEAD)
  4. Neomail rawrimmakitty to get your name here! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ Requests are closed at this time.

the tank.

airismile. /~Furtif Hammerhead Package

First Impression

Splash screen! I like splash screens when they're anchored, not when they take you to an entirely different page. It seems kind of silly to link someone to a page to only redirect them somewhere else. The links up at the top are also very dark on a dark background and it's kind of hard to read them. If you moved them over to the right side of the screen where the background is lighter, or just lighten the link images in general it would help. Will also mention that I have a large screen (1960x1080) so the background on both the splash page and the application repeat for me. Not many people have a screen this big so it's probably not something that necessarily has to be fixed.

The application scrolls right to left, rather than up and down. It's something that is probably too late to change, but it's something that has always bugged me personally. It's kinda awkward to scroll left and right, verses up and down. This is especially so because in order to read each section, you have to pause, and then scroll down through the individual boxes anyway.

Going to throw out this warning now; I like scientific related stories! When they're properly researched. c: Probably going to be asking a lot of questions, sorry in advance!

Content Evaluation

Be true to yourself. But that's something everyone says and no one means. No one wants you to be yourself. They want you to be the version of yourself that they like.

This is a quote by Marie Lu, please credit her.

They knew the end was near, and wanted to find a way to keep their knowledge and history safe. The half-spherical realm is situated at North Pole, one of the only areas not yet submerged by water.

How big is this area exactly? And how exactly did they go about constructing this at the north pole? How long did it take? What are the conditions like at the north pole compared to today? Could a team of people really work there long enough to construct this? If most of the world is underwater when this dome was put up/put into effect how did they select people to go into it...?

Conflicts started breaking out everywhere because of the lack of resources and people are slowly losing their minds.

In the previous section you said that most of the world was underwater. Are these people living on boats or...?

After a few generations, these people no longer felt strong emotions that could lead to conflict and they became numb to any kind of emotional pain.

I find this concept a little too hard to believe for several reason. 1. A few generations really isn't enough time for humans especially to evolve, at least not to a point that would give you this much of a drastic result. Unless there are some unmentioned fake-future science being done on these humans, which you should mention if there are and 2. I find it hard to believe that the human mind/body would decide as a collective that evolving to purge themselves of emotions would benefit their survival rate. Also what about the scientists? Have they just accepted that they don't get to live with the perfect humans they somehow created? Did the scientists have children that would carry on their work as this spans over more than one generation?

The Wanderers were seen as defenders, but in reality, they were engineered to be war machines.

Really confused ): I like the concept of the people being told that these are completely peaceful beings, but in reality it's something much more. But you just talked about how people are free from the "physiological component" of their emotions. So are their leaders not apart of this? If they are also free from the physiological effects of their emotions, why would they feel the rage or disdain for the people of the outside world to a degree that they would want to destroy them all? Or lie to their people about the intentions of these creations?

...as well as the preserved DNA of a wild deer...

I get this is the tie-in because the actual pet is an Ixi, but maybe explain why a deer and not some other animal?

I won't quote all of the dialog in this section, but again they're speaking and acting like emotions do control or have some effect on their emotions. Which is contrary to what you said these humans had evolved above.

She was extremely hurt, a feeling that no one else could come close to understanding.

I get the feeling you're trying to say that she for some reason has emotions that everyone else evolved above. But... why?

I've heard that once, people had free will.

Again that one scientist guy seemed to have a lot of free will. One said "too many emotions, shut it down" and the other one very irrationally insisted that because they had spent so much money in the project, they shouldn't.

The character is a neat idea, but this future just has so many holes and contradictions in it. I'm guessing that she ran off to do whatever she wanted, which probably isn't what those scientists want because you mention them wanting to reprogram her emotions. But if they don't want her running around, why can't they just shut her down? I would think in the future they would have the hindsight to have some kind of remote access ability, or a "oops we messed up and need to shut it down immediately" button.

Applicant Impressions

No real complaints or comments as far as your pets/accounts go. All your pets seem to have manner of character for the most part, and most of them have nice petpages similar to the petpage you made for an application.

Is this application shark-approved? Yes. While the story is a beat weak, it is still a nice application overall. (Nurse Shark Dorothy note- Business Shark Ben is very tired and has to rest! He has been overworking himself lately.)

SHARK APPROVED!
rat_spirit. /~Xiluka Hammerhead Package

First Impressions

I love the artwork on the application, and the general simplicity of the layout! It's visually appealing and doesn't take away from the content of your application. The only thing that bothered me was the menu in the upper left that you make mention of in the very beginning of the app. The "HOVER" is very small and difficult to see! ): I would either make that "HOVER" a bit bigger, and a bit more noticeable. I prefer non-hover menus, though, so having the menu visible throughout the application is also an option!

Content Review

In the very first section where you go over the basic details of the character, you have a reference of sorts off to the side. It's very small so requires one to open it up in a new tab, but a lot of this information is redundant as you either talk about it in this section, or go into detail about things like personality a little further down. I would rather see an image with some of that text cleared out so it's just information pertaining only to the design of the character with specifics like the mitten-like hands and etc. Also very small nitpick but if you could potentially move the image a little bit so the very last bit of the "Height" information doesn't go to a new line, that would be a small change that would look nicer.

They're the same color as my eyes: cyan!

A simple comma here is appropriate, rather than a colon.

I have to say overall it's interesting to have a character talking about their own personality, as most people when they talk about themselves don't always tell the whole truth, or leave out the bits about themselves that they don't like. I would maybe think about that and how the character might deny some of the things that they claim people say about them. I see this a little bit in the line "People say I can be pushy or overbearing at times, claiming that I think I always know what's best for them. I really just care a lot though.", but it still seems a bit too much like YOU telling us about the character, rather than the character himself talking.

Not sure what to call it, but the graph? At the bottom of the personality section is again very small, and the words while not too difficult to read, it's not very easy. I would make that image bigger, or make the font of that image bigger so it's easier to read. It's also difficult to see where exactly the coloured in circle is.

This basically means that I collect useless memories from Neopians.

I like this character concept, I really do. But after I thought about what the population of Neopia must be, I realized what a staggering number of "useless memories" there must be. I also don't quite understand why these useless memories need to be necessarily cataloged. You described them as useless, so is anyone going to need to come along and remember what they had for dinner a year and a half ago on a certain night? Does the character have helpers? Or is it like Santa Claus and we're not supposed to ask how they can accomplish this feat?

Anyway, if someone does lose an important memory, they come find me and ask for its return. I always take most of the memory of my visit, so people don't know about me, but I also leave a tiny bit behind.

Not sure I really understand how they know the character exists at all if they (and presumably everyone) who vists the character and asks for help, then has their memory the visit removed at the end of it. I get the bit about their subconscious supposed to be pushing them to go find the character if they've forgotten something, but what if THAT'S the important memory (however small or fragmented it is) they've forgotten? Are they just plum out of luck?

Once they find me, I retrieve their file. Then they go through and find the needed memory. At that point I can't just give it to them, though! I need another memory of equal value in exchange.

Don't entirely get this either. I thought it was the character's job to catalog useless memories? Why do they need important ones too? Can't they just make a copy of the memory and give the memory back to the owner? If someone trades a memory to get a memory back, do they realize after that they now can't remember something else and have to go back to this Memory Keeper and trade another memory to get THAT one back and end up in an infinite loop?

Once I've retrieved a batch of memories, I put them away in a system of filing cabinets.

Again do they have help? That's a lot of memories to be constantly filing!

To be honest I'm not sure what happens when they reach their creator. I've never let it happen.

Why aren't they allowed to go back to their creator? If these memories are just "on Thursday I had meatloaf and peas for dinner", why would it be bad for the owner of that memory to just randomly remember "Oh, huh, I DID have that for dinner." I can understand the character not knowing what happens, but some explanation on why they don't allow them to go back to their owners would make more sense. Did whoever make/put them in this position tell them it was bad? Or any other number of possibilities? Anyway again I have to mention the number of Neopets/People that must live in Neopia, and the probability that some of these rogue memories might slip by unnoticed, or get to their owner before the character can nab them again.

If I had to sum up the Ekone in one word, it would be: workers. " "As children we're always in some sort of apprenticeship; we should never be without one.

Again colon/semicolon is not used appropriately here. A colon should be used to conjoin two sentences. I would really, really encourage that you kinda refresh your memory on how to use these properly.

Overall I like the character idea, but I really feel like it needs to be worked on a bit more. There are a lot of questions and holes that can be poked in it at it's current state.

Account Overview

Nothing to complain about with your accounts. They all look nice (I'm not one to tell you that you need to go collect more avatars or stamps) and none look very empty of abandoned. Most all of your pets have characters and nice petpages, similar to what you did for your application so it's safe to say that you most likely would also work on getting these things together for the pet you're applying for (or applying to retrade for).

Is this application shark approved? BUSINESSMAN SHARK BEN WAS PRESENTED WITH A SINGLE VERY PRETTY FISH THAT SEEMED LIKE IT WOULD BE VERY TASTY. WHILE THIS SHARK DID ENJOY IT, IT LEFT TINY AIR BUBBLES IN MY BELLY FROM THE TINY HOLES THAT COVERED IN THE INSIDE OF THE FISH. HOWEVER I WOULD DEFINITELY EAT ONE AGAIN.

SHARK APPROVED!
placably. /~rjust Hammerhead Package

The Layout (And First Impressions)

So the first thing I noticed when I opened up your page was that the layout was all wonky. This is what it looks like on my 1920x1080 screen:

The fact that the layout was messed up for me was a little disappointing, but I did resize the page so I could see how the layout was supposed to look, and it looks great! I think the easiest solution for this is to try and recode the content to center at any resolution, regardless of the width. You can do that by adding a container DIV to hold all your stuff, fit it to 1280px width, and then set the margins to 0 auto. The CSS would probably look something like this:

All you'd have to do is add the DIV into your HTML at the beginning of the layout code:

(You don't even have to close the DIV - TNT will do it for you with its filters.)

The content text is a little too small for my personal taste, and I'm not too fond of the grey-ish background it's on either. While I can read it just fine, I feel like the contrast is lacking, and that combined with the size of the text makes the content *just* a little harder to read than it should be. This is, however, my personal preference since I prefer function over form. You don't have to change anything about the text/background if you don't want to. (I'm just old, and my old lady eyes are getting worse as I age.)

It also bothers me a little that there is no padding between the text and the end of your content boxes. I'm sure it's another nitpicky thing, but adding padding is something to consider.

The Content

The disclaimer under "My Characters" doesn't quite make sense to me - did you deactivate your accounts and attempt to get them back? What is the account you're using now, and how come this one isn't deactivated? Lastly, what made you come back? (Is there a specific order I should be reading these boxes in? For the time being, I will read them left to right, top to bottom...)

Introduction seems fine, but you don't need to capitalize "Application." Graphics Design should also be graphic design. You don't need to capitalize the words or make graphic plural.

The header for "Why Hebolu" has Hebolu capitalized while everything else is not. To be consistent, I would make it lowercase too.

To begin with, they are much more dynamic compared to the converted mutant scorchios.

You should clarify that you are talking about Hebolu being unconverted before using "they." The use of "they" implies that you were talking about something else before it, but this is the start of a new section - we have nothing to base "they" off of, regardless of whether I (or any reader) knew that Hebolu was unconverted or not. (Which I didn't know, so it made me even more confused until I finished the sentence and realized what you were talking about.)

I will forever have a soft spots for scorchios, even the converteds.

In all honesty, you should just say that you like all scorchios. No need to specify you even like the converted ones - it just seems a little superficial to me.

I'm not too sure what the end of this is supposed to say because it's cut off for some reason?

All in all, I felt like 3/4 of your "Why Hebolu" section was unnecessary. You talk about why you like UC Mutant Scorchios and ramble about how you tried to like the others but decided you didn't. The tidbit about the real life lizards and your experience with them seems a bit far fetched too - it might be the truth, but I think it's a little TMI for your application. The foster wants to read about why you want to adopt Hebolu - not why you like to pick up lizards and rub their bellies.

(This is where I realize that the section underneath the "My Characters" box is a continuation of the "My Characters" section - for future reference, you will want to reorganize your application to make it easier to understand. Formatting is especially important because it could lead to readers like me who read the boxes in the wrong order because it isn't clear how we're supposed to do it.)

Same deal here. The last sentence is a little cut off.

Try and pick a different image for Zenny that is wider (or shorter) that can fit above the description, like how you did with the previous characters. Since the image takes up half of the content area, and the content area is so thin, all this word wrapping looks very awkward and makes me less inclined to want to read it. Are there also Back and Next buttons on the previous page?

I believe I should be chosen to adopt because I love my pets.

Adopt who? Make sure you clarify.

The major amount of time I spend on my pets is drawing,

Should be changed to, The majority of the time...

For my characters, I like to change their dimensions completely, with their own little quirks. You can check those out in the box to the right!

What do you mean by dimensions? I don't understand by looking to the right.

I will either offer him back, give him to Laggy , or put him up for adoption.

You don't need a space after Laggy.

I, for one, absolutely love picture books, even to this day, so I'd really like to see how it would feel to illustrate.

As someone who overuses commas, I understand what you're trying to do here, but you're going to have to learn to omit certain words, phrases, or commas to allow for better flow in your writing. You could also try rewording your sentences for better flow as well. A couple examples include:

I, for one, absolutely love picture books, so I'd really like to see how it would feel to illustrate.

Even to this day, I absolutely love picture books. I'd really like to see how it would feel to illustrate.

As for the Beauty Contest; I don't care for the trophies or having to spam for one, but I would probably try and get him one, at the very least.

If you don't care for them, then don't promise something you don't want to do. The foster probably won't care if you BC their pet.

I'm sorry if the old art burns your eyes.

Don't display works you are not proud of. Separate your artwork from artwork by other users for better organization.

This is her third book, published to share the center of her family's little fairy tale. Previous children's stories include Why Autumn Falls, Little Girl Daisy, and Sing a Song of Skipping.

I'm not sure if this is a typo, but you list three previous titles and state that this is her third book. Were two of the other stories combined into one book, or did you mean to say that this is her fourth book?

Hurrah! Yipee! he cheered with glee
I will finally be able to live happily

Two things: You should bold/italicize "Hurrah! Yipee!" to indicate spoke text. And secondly, you switch pronouns here from "he" to "I" - is this also spoken text or part of the narrative? You need to make sure the reader knows what's going on.

Frustrate and angry was he

Frustrated*

This is basically a rundown on my thoughts throughout this app! If you're super curious on how things went, feel free to read! I'm trying to cover all the bases haha

You did relatively well maintaining a professional environment with your application so far - try not to get rid of it! Please remove the last sentence from this paragraph. It could also be worded better, like so: If you are curious about my thought process throughout this app, feel free to read this section. Or something like that.

When I found that Hebolu was up for adoption(thanks to Jazzy!), I freaked out. Then I went to his petlookup and stared at his petlookup for a full five minutes and contemplated. Another friend had previously adopted an Unconverted Faerie Kougra, then realized she didn't have inspiration after adopting. She's on a hiatus out of guilt, now that she feels she isn't giving the kougra enough attention. I had to be extremely certain Hebolu was a pet I could work with.

This entire paragraph is unnecessary info. The foster already knows you like UC Mutant Scorchios and are applying because Hebolu is one. They probably won't want to read more about it (or about the story with your friend - it is irrelevant to your application and should not be there.)

Hebolu's character is somewhat off of my first Unconverted Mutant Scorchio, who I nicknamed Bysis.

Did you mean, Hebolu's character is somewhat based off of...? The tidbit about Bysis's nickname is also unnecessary information since you don't mention it anywhere else in your app.

There is also so little information about Hebolu's character that it makes me confused to read the rest of the paragraph mentioned above. I don't know who Bysis is or what his character was like (other than he wanted change)... and where did the ungratefulness come from? What lesson is Hebolu learning? From all I've read, I only know that he learned to fly and scra~ped his knee? Where did the unfairness come from, and why did you mention that some people have legitimate reasons to be upset? Where do these two ideas fit in with either story?

So ends my application, and I hope you like it 8)

Avoid using smilies in your application because it takes away from the professionality.

It was really fun coding this petpage and try something different.

Did you mean, trying?

Account Check

Accounts reviewed: placably, belac127, belackness

Of your three accounts, only a handful of pets have petlookups, and even fewer have petpages (it'd be better to have "Under Construction" blank pages than defaults). You also have this application on two pets' pages? The foster will see that if/when they do an account check on you, so make sure it doesn't seem like you're using up petpage space by having double pages.

I also noticed that some of your pets are crying. It doesn't cost much to lodge them, so I recommend you do that to keep them happy.

Conclusion

Overall, I felt that your application was very disorganized and filled with irrelevant content. Much of what you wrote in your app could have been written concisely in a few paragraphs.

Your layout was nice - I liked the different color borders you used, but I also felt like the way it was formatted made it confusing to read. The type of layout you're trying to emulate with the three columns and multi-sized boxes works well for blogs, but not so much when you're trying to organize ideas. For future reference, it would be best to stick to a one-column layout (two if you want a navigation bar) for pages like this.

Your accounts seemed bare and unimpressive. Your accounts might be like that because you just came back from quitting, but if so, you need to make a note and let the foster know. You need to feed your pets to keep them from crying, too. It looks very unconvincing as a foster to see any applicant with crying pets say that they'll promise to take care of their pet.

*takes a deep breath* I know that this whole critique is a little tl;dr, but I personally feel like you have much to improve on. Just take into account the advice I gave you, and you should be fine for your next application, should you decide to make another.

Is this application shark approved? EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! This application needs to be taken care of STAT!

NOT SHARK APPROVED :(

Click here for older critiques. »

rulers of the sea.



ben.

HI. I'M BUSINESSMAN SHARK BEN.

IN PARTICULAR MY SHARK STRENGTH DERIVES FROM MY TINY PECTORAL FINS THAT I USE TO DELISHARKLY AND FINELY PICK APART WRITING LIKE FISH BONES FROM MY LARGE, SHARK TEETH.

I HOPE TO EAT READ MANY OF YOUR TASTY SEALS APPLICATIONS.

dorothy.

Hello! This is nurse shark Dorothy. Unlike my partner, businessman shark Ben, I'm not here to "finely pick apart" your applications. I will give them a thorough examination to ensure your application is in tip top shape!

Let's hope there's no need for an emergency procedure...

Deep Sea Minefield *

Application Critique Archives [note that not all links will still work]

jojoez95. /~Moneri Nurse Shark Package

First Impressions

Looking at this page for the first time, I was afraid that I would have to go through another one of those clicking-intensive applications. I'm glad this is not one of them (because most anchored apps done when I actively followed the app scene had a paragraph max on each anchor, and it was a pain to shuffle through the content - especially if I was reading it to judge or critique). The layout is cute, but it bothers me that the scroll bar for the content area is within a smaller space with maximum height. I would suggest making your content area a little shorter than the browser height because of how you set it up - just so it doesn't look a little awkward (in my opinion). I would also add spacing between the "PLAYER ONE HAS ENTERED THE GAME" title and the top of the box, so it doesn't look cut off.

Under your section about Uswora, add some padding between the image and the content. You can do that by using this code:

No previews for the basic adoptables? To keep it consistent with your customs, I would go ahead and add them there (unless my browser didn't load them, and that's why I don't see them).

I like the background you used for Xero's future petlookup! :)

Everything else looks good to me. I didn't dwell too long on the content, but the parts I did read had no major (or minor) errors that I caught.

Is this application shark approved? Nurse Shark Dorothy thinks this application is ready for liftoff! c;

SHARK APPROVED!
guernika. /~Nairis Hammerhead Package

Application First Impressions

I want to start off by saying that I have a pretty sizeable screen resolution (1920x1080), so the layout from first glance looks a little awkward to me when I full screen the page. The entire content of the page is pushed over on the right side with a lot of negative space between the content of the layout and the layout image itself. Again, this may just be because my resolution is large, but I feel I have to physically turn my head to read the page, when it seems more natural to read from the left side of the screen.

As far as the rest of the layout is concerned, the main image for the layout is really beautiful and the animation on it is well done and isn't too distracting. However, on the actual body of the layout, I see what you were trying to do with the torn edges and appreciate the personality it has, but I'm not big on the way it curves and waves as you scroll down. I think I would rather see the shape as more of a straight bodied object, and had the same pieces missing on the edges (not too obscuring any content of course), I feel like that would have a better impact, especially because the content itself stays in consistent placement. I also noticed on several spots on the body, there are places were the edges have more of a straight edge like that part is being cut off by something. Below is a screenshot with arrows pointing to I think all of them, of course because this image repeats these cut off pieces appear throughout the application. Hopefully you can also see what I was talking about, as well, with how the layout looks on my large resolution.

Quickly scrolling through your application I see that you used some of Neopets' fun images in two places, these appear out of place and I would just suggest removing them in general. Especially besides these gifs are not transparent and stand out a lot on the parchment colour.

Down at the bottom where you talk about your current pets I noticed that the boxes holding content don't line up with each other, and a few overlap the pet images a little bit. I would also suggest moving the bottom of the boxes up a little bit so they match the dimensions of the pet images and look a little neater in general.

Throughout the application I notice that a lot of your text is centered on the layout, which isn't very visually appealing when it causes a lot of inconsistency with the beginning and the ends of the lines. This inconsistency results in the reader straining their eyes a little more to maintain their position in the text when they're trying to move on to the next line. I suggest using left or justify aligned text, as so:

After your writing section you have two pictures that seem a little bit out of place and are just there. Perhaps you could move these to a section that is just dedicated to artwork of Gelinne?

I really, really like the oil painting section as it really gives the application a personal touch to see your progress through making the piece - which is very beautiful!

Applicant First Impressions

I don't see a link to your actual only account, I would suggest having a physical link to your main account to make it easier on the foster. On that same note, I would also suggest either making the pet images, or names, in your pet section links to their profiles if the foster wants to look at your pets from the application.

Your account appears a little empty, but I'm not a very big stickler on an accounts having a lot of avatars, stamps, trophies, ect, if that isn't what you play the game for. You have a nice NC Album collection, and your pets are all nicely customized, which does show where your attention has gone towards.

My only real concern is when I look at the pets that you have currently, they don't have a lot of content up which is a pretty big contrast from the things you show in your application for Gelinne. In the application you have a story planned out for Gelinne, but I don't see the same amount to care put towards your current pets (although they do appear to have some sort of characters based off the small blurbs on their look ups and in the application). In all they appear a bit barren in content, especially when their petpages are all currently image hosting places. Perhaps you could limit down to just one of them having their petpage dedicated to artwork, and separate the pieces into sections to display each pet's images and such? On a small nitpicky note, it would be nice if all pets had direct links to their petpages, as some of them have the petpage link currently hidden with the look up coding.

Content Review - Writing

Ahh, my favourite part. Starting from the top! Any spelling/word corrections will be in red in the boxes, any notes regarding corrections or my opinions on sentence structure are below the boxes.

Flaws: ??

I'm not sure if this is intentional, or if you're planning on coming back and adding these. Every character has flaws, though! Unless you're intentionally planning on making the character appear god-like, or are trying to present this through the character's personality and they believe they have no flaws, I would really encourage you to try and develop the character and not leave this section blank.

Even though I am small, we're really all so small compared to it all.

This sentence reads a bit clunky to me. I understand what you're trying to say, but the way it's written doesn't make a lot of sense. This is likely because the subject of the sentence takes a change in combination with the sentence starting with "Even though." I think in particular, the use of "even though" doesn't seem very appropriate and doesn't convey the correct message. Instead I would possibly suggest something more along the lines of "I know I'm small, but really we're all so small compared to it all." The repetition of "all" also feels a bit much -- the fact that "small" has the same sound doesn't help --, and I would maybe try and word it a little differently.

There's magic everywhere, really, but I think it's easy to forget.

Just a quick typo here. Alternatively you can instead say "but I think it's easily forgotten", if you want to express that people as a whole forget about this magic, rather than singular people as I feel the current structure puts forth. Very much up to you on that, however!

reflected in her mother's omnipotent eyes.

I'm not sure if omnipotent is the word you meant to use here! All-Knowing eyes? Either way, to just say "her mother's eyes" is really all that is necessary.

Warm sun shining upon a dry, grassy promontory,

You do a very good job of painting a picture and describing things, but I think this excerpt is a good example that I want to point to and advise you just be careful that you aren't going too far and venturing into purple prose. It is a tool that can be utilized well, and it isn't always a bad thing but I think here the use of a rather... extravagant word like "promontory" really doesn't fit very well with the other descriptive words you use throughout this section.

Her parents might never be with her in the physical world, but endure in the first rays of dawn's sunlight, inside of the celestial technicolor lights of the North, inside of the millions of tiny shells decorating the beach following a night of a terrible gale, hidden among the twinkle of winking stars scattered across the night sky, within the smile of the moon's omniscient glow upon the plains on a clear summer's night.

Woah this is a crazy long sentence! I am very fond of longer sentences versus short ones, but you really need to be careful sometimes that you aren't creating a run-on. A really good way to help prevent this is to just try and read the sentence out loud to yourself and see if you can read it all without running out of breath. I had a pretty hard time getting all the way through this, haha..

Again I think you can cut back from that near consistent descriptors and not lose the impact of what really should be about three sentences here. Twinkle of winking, is repetitive in particular, simply saying "twinkling" is so much easier and says the same thing with less. I understand that the character is meant to be poetic, but having nearly everything with some kind extra word to describe is a bit much.

In her travels, she's devoted her life to exposing the love she feels surging through her veins and through the rivers to everyone she meets.

These rivers kind of come out of nowhere here. I kinda? Get the less literal meaning, but it doesn't seem too necessary and to have the sentence instead as; In her travels, she's devoted her life to exposing the love she feels surging through her veins, to everyone she meets., sounds better.

If you want to further emphasise that this love is flowing throughout her entire being, I would maybe suggest using more... bodily words instead of rivers.

You know without explicitly knowing that this is a being who's traversed the whole spectrum of pet emotion,

Describing her emotions as "pet" emotions I think is a bit of a... diminished way to describe her emotions? It makes her "spectrum" a little small comparing it to that of a pet or an animal, who does not have as wide of an understanding as human beings would. I think this might be another situation where you're looking to describe things too much, when just saying "spectrum of emotion", does the job just fine.

Conclusion

All in all, I really do like this application! I really think just in regards to your writing, you can really focus on using strong words, over almost needlessly descriptive ones. Like I've said above a few times, I really do understand that the flowery and poetic style is done for a reason, but in some spots it does come across as too much. Please feel free to ignore my a lot of my suggestions on sentence structure if you feel you would prefer the use of words you have picked now! It's my opinion, though, that the things that I've pointed out would read better and flow more with some more revision.

Is this application shark approved? SHARK BEN THROUGHSHARKLY ENJOYED THE EXTRAVAGANT SMORGASBORD THAT HAS MAGICALLY FOUND ITS WAY TO MY BELLY. THIS SHARK HAS JUST A TINY SHARK BELLY-ACHE FROM THE MANY TYPES OF FISH, BUT WOULD DEFINITELY DEVOUR AGAIN WITHOUT HESITATION.

SHARK APPROVED! :D
sakyh. Sharkbait Package

Accounts Reviewed: sakyh. draikeggs. beastsofburden.

I'm not sure if you have any other accounts, but these were what I found by clicking on your pet images.

Your main account looks great. Has a bunch of event trophies and the basic game ones. Tons of games played, and a relatively high avatar count. High number of site themes and BD wins, as well. All of these are a good indication of what you say you are - an ACer and a PCer. Your account is well built to house the pets you own.

I think an owner makes a great owner by loving them in the way that /they/ love a pet, not how the PC expects them to. - sakyh

I agree with this statement 100% and am happy you have it there. Just a side note. :P

Pets

All of your pets have (beautiful) customizations and petlookups. They follow a single basic design, which is perfectly alright. However, you should make it so that petpage links are available to click with ease. I have a special code that forces them to show, but it's very annoying to fosters when they have to manually enter in petpages to check them out.

Looking through your petpages, they're all being used effectively. None are blank/default, which is good! Most fosters like to see that your petpages are being used, especially if you promise a future petpage in your application.

Conclusion

Overall, your accounts and pets look like they're in pristine condition. There's nothing out of the ordinary from what I can see, and you have a very well built up account. If I were your foster, you'd pass my account check!

SHARK APPROVED! :D
luvcandy08. /~Cimri Hammerhead Package

First Impressions / The Content

The title text of the page, "Application for Stranger," is written in a font that isn't installed on most computers. Instead, save it as an image and use that image as a header. That way, it'll show on all computers.

I'm trying to read some of your text, but it does get a bit hard to read over the areas where the text is over the dark part of the background image. Make your content background's opacity a little higher (I suggest 80-90% opacity) so that it's easier to read the content.

Personally, I don't like the format your family section is coded. In my opinion, it's tedious to stay hovered over a certain image just to read the content that pops up when you do. I know that many people use this template for their apps/about mes, and I don't know how other users feel about it. But if it were me, I would just make the section a certain height and let the user scroll to read about each of your pets.

Account Check

All of your accounts have userlookups, and most of your pets have petpages. I understand not having petlookups/petpages for lab pets, but you should look into putting at least a petlookup up for Peophins, your Royal Peophin. You should also feed him. I saw some other default petpages, and I don't think it'll count that much against you when your foster does an account check, but as a precaution, I would just clear the petpage and say it's a WIP or something.

Conclusion

Overall, I think your application is solid for what you've said you will do and what appears on your accounts. Most of your pets checked out when I took a look at them, and you've promised nothing that you haven't done already for your pets.

I have nothing really else to advise you other than what I nitpicked above. Great job!

Is this application shark approved? All this patient needed was a bandage, and he's good to go! Got worried over nothing. ♥

SHARK APPROVED! :D
epistulae. Sharkbait Package

Accounts Reviewed: epistulae. bls5281997. paridiselost.

All of your accounts have a basic userlookup, which is good. None of your pets are crying, also good. You have some very nice trophies on your main account, which is impressive for someone who looks at site achievements. However, your avatar count seems rather low for someone with really nice trophies (I don't know how it correlates, but it does look kind of funky). I'd aim for at least 200 avatars since many avatars these days can be obtained simply by clicking on a page.

Pets

All of your pets have petlookups and customizations, which is good for a user who has a creative background. This is simply me nitpicking (I know many other fosters also have this problem), but doing your account check was a little more tedious than it could've been because some of your petlookups hid the petpage link. Always have a petpage link visible or have a clear link to it in your pet's description.

Two of your pets didn't have petpages, and one of them was a default page. I don't know why you decided to have multiple pages on a petpage for some of your other petpages, but it's a good idea to spread out your petpage so that there isn't too much content on one page to load. Most fosters won't mind if you have one or two blank petpages (especially since the rest of them have pages, or even more than one), but I would at least clear the default petpage (your Nimmo's page).

Conclusion

Nothing seems particularly out of whack in my opinion. Your accounts look polished for the most part, and it looks like you're making progress with your petpages. If I were your foster, you'd pass my account check. :)

SHARK APPROVED! :D
whatevermaycome. /~Tyedah Nurse Shark Package

First Impressions

In a few of your sections you have little sub-headers going on, I would suggest centering these just so they look a bit neater and more organized. For instance under the Introduction section, the ~A Thief in the Night~ would look better in the center, if only to make the text not look so bunched up. Especially because later down the petpage, these headers/titles are centered.

In the customization section the images that you're using look a bit strange, in particular the border they have and the quality of the images aren't as good as they could be. I'm not sure where you got these particular images from, but I would suggest using Dress To Impress to plan out these future customizations, and then use the sharing image links provided. I would also advise that you possibly upload those images a different image hosting site so you don't need to worry about broken image links.

Example of an preview from DTI:

These images are also links that just link back the main neopets homepage, I'm not sure if these are intended to be links, but something that likely needs to be fixed.

In this same customization section you talk about the petpet, another thing that would look better centered with the text about the petpet below. Talking about the petpet, the section about Larun seems very short and could do with a little bit more content. Perhaps talk about how this petpet relates to pet's character, or if it would play any kind of part in the story of the pet?

You also seem to have a little bit of a story going on up at the beginning of the application, but after that there isn't much more, which is a little bit of a letdown. I'm not sure if this is because the application is not yet done, and you are planning on writing more, but I would definitely suggest expanding more on the story, and the pet's character, because the application seems a bit barren without it. In the following section you also talk about the pet's appearance, but again it's a very short blurb that makes the reader looking for more. I would also suggest perhaps drawing a picture of Gelinne based of this description, or even colouring one of the many makeables that artists have done for others to use. In particular, I'm personally rather fond of Nomm_00's makeables.

In the Family Section just a small nitpick that on Stoff, the "Pet Lookup" and "Petpage" links are switched in order from the rest of the pets, just for consistency I would flip these two. In this section you seem to be a little inconsistent with where your spaces go in regards to commas, I would suggest just going back through this section and making sure that there are appropriate spaces after all your commas.

About Me section, the picture of the Baby Kougra seems a bit out of place. Perhaps instead if you would like an image here, you could draw a picture of yourself, since the section is about you in particular? Or just something more related to you, rather than the pet.

I really don't like recommendations in applications. Unless these users that are giving you recommendations personally know the foster, I really feel like they are unnecessary because it's very unlikely that the words of random users are going to mean much to them. Anyone can get their friend to say nice things about them, you know? These images are also again links that link back to the neopets homepage, not sure if you were intending them to link to userlook ups, but I would suggest removing this section in general.

Credits section doesn't seem very necessary, the layout has SunnyNeo credits at the top, and you linked all the used adoptables to their appropriate owners.

The images at the very bottom of the page don't seem very fitting for the character, or what little we know of the character, just looking at the customization ideas that you've showcased above. It would be a good idea to either change these items to something that go together with the character, or just remove them altogether.

Final Thoughts

All in all I really feel like this application is really lacking sustenance, and looks pretty barren and empty at the moment. The character could really use some expanding on, and so could the story that really doesn't give the reader much insight to what exactly is going on. Who was this thief, and what happened to Gelinne after she was supposedly stolen? These are questions that a reader is likely left asking!

Is this application shark approved? SHARK BEN SEES THIS APPLICATION LIKE A SMALL FISH (AND/OR SEAL) THAT HAS NOT YET GROWN ENOUGH TO BE A TASTY MEAL FOR A LARGE SHARK SUCH AS MYSELF. THIS FISH NEEDS TO EAT MANY MORE WORMS BEFORE IT IS READY FOR MY SHARP TEETH.

NOT SHARK APPROVED :(
whatevermaycome. /~Newsboys Nurse Shark Package

First Impressions

The layout looks nice. I can see the .sf credits in the background, so you might want to get rid of those. Put this code in your CSS:

The headers look like they're part of a decorative font. I'd personally change it because I don't know if it's a standard font that most computers have installed. Try to stay away from using decorative fonts as text on a page. Most of the time, those fonts you use are only installed on a handful of other users' computers. If you want a serif font, then I suggest Georgia or Times New Roman. Or if you really like the font you used, convert it into an image and use that as your header.

I suggest left or justify aligning the content on your page. Center aligned paragraphs are fine to read on the Neoboards, but when you're trying to read more than a couple paragraphs at a time, it's better to left/justify the text instead. (It looks like you only centered the first paragraph of your app, so just fix it there.)

I suggest removing most of the smilies in your app. Limit yourself to one or two max because a pet app should be considered a formal writeup and shouldn't have them at all.

I don't suggest having recommendation letters because most fosters won't know who these people are and won't care what they think.

Content Run Through (And More Nitpicking)

Since the adoptable you use for your character profile is about the same height as his profile stats, I'd go ahead and float his image either to the left or right of the content so that you can more effectively use your content space. If you don't know how to float images, then copy and paste this code into your CSS:

After that, choose which direction you want to float your image, and copy the formatting of this image tag:

(Or lfloat if you want to float the image to the left.)

Your "Why Moon" section seems a little unnecessary since it's just one paragraph. If you really want to keep the section, then I'd just add it to the beginning or end of your app. (But I would personally remove it entirely.)

Under your customization section, I would center the two items and their descriptions under the preview. Seems kind of weird to have that random white space to the right.

Float your petpet image to the left or right of the paragraph so that there isn't the white space between the header and content.

And again, float the Ryushay adoptable so that it doesn't break up your content.

Your family section is a bit tough because the adoptables you chose to use are all relatively large. I would resize the plushie kougra so that it isn't so tall and float it beside the content. Same with the rest of the adopts. You can alternate floating them to the left or right so that the image-content ratio is balanced. Just play around with the dimensions of the adopts to see what fits the best.

For your about me, float the image so it doesn't obstruct your content. (I'm really nitpicky about this because I don't like wasting space. Centering one image in the middle of text distracts/bothers me very much.)

For the convenience of your foster, I would link all of your accounts when you list them. Remember the smiley thing!

The bird section seems kind of random, so I'm going to assume that the foster wanted you to write something about them. Fix the alignment in that paragraph so that it's justified like the rest of your app.

In your credits section, you're missing a space in between "Alright," and "I'm". I wouldn't thank and link all of the users whose adoptables you used. If you left the link on the original adoptables, then that's sufficient credit to those users. This section is actually redundant because you already gave credit to everyone down at the bottom of the page. No need to have two credit sections.

Float the adoptable you used in your conclusion.

Conclusion

Overall, your application seems rather short in terms of content. The page is long because you didn't float any of the images you used to the side of your content, but when you ignore that and look just for the content, there isn't that much. I don't know if you plan on doing anything else with your app, but if you have a character in mind for Zeke, then I would write a few sample chapters of his story. How did he end up in the forest you came across at the beginning of the page? How did he lose his immortality? How do he and Lucian get along?

There's a lot of detail that you can put into simple concepts like that. You don't need to write a novel, but right now, the character you have for Zeke seems shallow and not very well thought out.

I can't remember at the top of my head if there are any sections you're missing, but I highly recommend you looking at some application guides to brush up your app. The Applicant's Handbook is a good resource. You could look into Making an Application too.

Is this application shark approved? Based off of Nurse Shark Dorothy's opinion, looks like this app is in serious condition! We'll have to hold it a bit longer to see if it can improve.

NOT SHARK APPROVED :(

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